The personalities of my kids observed at the park..

You can tell a lot about a child by observing them at the playground.  

Here is my clan and the pics to show my research: 

Here you have my first born son, Jorge.  He will 7 in June and is our natural born INTROVERT.  When he enters any situation he has to assess first.  And then he typically decides he would rather play by himself (unless his brother, Alex, is available).  He enjoys doing things that could get him hurt. 

Here you can observe my second born son, Alex.  He is 5.  And is our resident EXTROVERT.  Never meets a stranger and typically makes a friend within the first two minutes.  He is very good at asking what other kids would like to play and can corral a group to play together (he does have those gorgeous blue eyes).  He can also woo any girl no matter the age (as seen below).  

Here is my baby girl, Eva.  She is 3 (will be 4 in August).  Because she is the only girl, she does have a  bit of firstborn INTROVERT in her.  And she much prefers being "the momma" to the little ones.  You can bet that once she has arrived at a park she will have located a "baby" within minutes and will be "helping" him/her as any good mother would.  Otherwise, she tends to play in the dirt, by herself. 

Here is the monkey.   The "baby" of the family.  He turns 2 tomorrow.  And it shows.  Hard to know for sure, but I am pretty sure he is already an EXTROVERT.  He loves men.  He will reach to be picked up by a man WAY before a lady can woo him (unless she has food).  He enjoys hitting, laughing and making momma have a heart attack.  Not sure what personality trait that is, but I am hoping the hitting stops.  

I truly have had to chill out with my introvert"ed" children and let them be.  I used to think I had to make them like me: "Eva.. why don't you go play with that girl over there?"  "Jorge, that boy looks like he'd like to play with you.."  But then I realized that 1) it NEVER works and 2) they are who they are and that is so not like me OK.  They are social, and when they are comfortable they will interact as they feel the desire.

I have truly seen them deepen who they are because I'm not so pushy anymore. I enjoy watching how differently God made my kids and I really do want to learn how to support them better in developing their own personalities.

:-)

My life is a mess. And in 10 easy steps, yours can be too.

First, you must read this article out recently from CNN (CNN? I know, right?).

I understand that with a title like the one for this post, it can be hard to see that I am actually being truthful and facetious at the same time.

It's so very true that we all struggle at some level with wanting to be approved by others at one point or another.  But what we most want, and are drawn to, is the person that is aware of their "mess" or that life is messy, and is vulnerable with it.  Nay, okay with it.

So I was thinking about my life over the last year and a half and what has changed since then.  How is it that I am comfortable admitting that my life doesn't look like a page from Pinterest?  Nor are my children little well behaved love junkies.  How can I now be comfortable spewing my "vulnerabilities" all over the world wide web?

Because the people pleasing, performance treadmill makes me nauseous. 


So for those wanting the freedom that comes from a life of mess.. let me share my how to list.

1.  Realize that the person sitting next to you at that play date, church pew, or in that office space does NOT have it together. At all.

2.  Understand that the person sharing their hurts with you would actually love for you to share some of yours instead of trying to fix theirs.

3.  Being vulnerable is scary stuff.  It's never fun to go first.  Unless you get to the point where you see the strength and courage in it.

4.  People who say they want "real friendships" and "real realness" (whatever that means) rarely know how painful it can be. Therefore they can bolt quickly.

5.  You are not "too much to handle."  It's just that the other person can't admit their own mess, much less support you in yours.

6.  Being brutally honest with others is much easier than being brutally honest with yourself.  But it has to start with you.  Otherwise its called fake (aka as false humility).

7.  Put yourself in situations where you get really uncomfortable with what it would take to be honest about how you feel, think or want to act, and then realize that the other people in the room feel the exact same way about their fears as well.

8.  Realize that NOONE lives like Pinterest.  That's why everyone likes to go there and daydream.  It's fun for a little bit, but it's NOT reality.

9.  Admit that your life is out of your control or unmanageable.  Also, acknowledge what your biggest defect of character is.  Then tell someone.  Do this regularly.  Ask God to change it.

10.  Embrace that life is messy.  This will free you up from having to feel you have got to have it "all together" or look like others (who don't have it all together).  Recognize your own strengths and marvel that all our kids will one day be in therapy.

I love the point that the author makes in the article I linked to: "Heroics are often about putting our life on the line. Courage is about putting our vulnerability on the line. If we want to live and love with our whole hearts and engage in the world from a place of worthiness, our first step is practicing the courage it takes to own our stories and tell the truth about who we are. It doesn't get braver than that."


Amen.  


Thoughts? 

My tattoo fallout...

After much thought and consideration.. I got my first tattoo.  

So to answer the first round of questions I have gotten: 

1.  Yes, I know this is a FOREVER deal.  I kinda took that into consideration when doing my research. 


2.  I am quite certain that the satisfactory health rating on the wall of the shop I was in made it obvious that I was probably NOT going to get infected with a disease.  Oh, and the dude wore gloves.  


3.  Yes, It hurt like someone was cutting my skin with a knife.  Over and over.  The wrist: a very sensitive place. 


4.  No, I could not think of a more BOLD location than the one I chose.  Because the head and neck were out of the question.  (although I did tell my brother-in-law that my next tattoo's were either going to be "MS13" on my back or teardrops under my eye). 


5.  No, I am not concerned if my children decide they are going to get a tattoo one day. In fact, my biggest fear as a parent isn't that my child will get a tattoo or have a child out of wedlock. My biggest fear is that they will reject Christ.  That they will decide that the God we love has been portrayed in a way that makes them unsure of His affections for them and His sacrifice to bring them to Himself.  If they do get a tattoo I hope they don't get it while they are drunk on spring break.  Other than that, I will probably take a picture.


I was very aware the negative hatred opinions out there about getting tattoo's.  I was prepping myself for the conversations I would have, because lets face it.. I live in the Bible belt.  And unfortunately The Church (Universal) hasn't always done a good job of making it more about what Christ has done for us than making sure everyone lives a certain way. Especially, in the South.  We are much more image conscious here.  We have a zeal, that's for sure, but it can be pretty burdening to others who really want to know if God loves them for them.  Not based on what they have done or will do.

Here is a snippet of something I wrote to a family member about this: 
"Well I will tell you the other side to getting my tattoo. I am a "recovering legalist." I have, for years, lived in such a way that I thought I could EARN favor with God by how I acted. And I would let everyone else know how they should act too. Thankfully, about 18 months ago God really shook up my world and brought me to a true understanding about what the Gospel is really about. It's about the fact that Christ EARNED not only my righteousness (as if I'd never sinned) but also EARNED God's favor toward me. My standing with God is secure. That doesn't mean that I don't choose to obey.. but I realize that there is no amount of "good behavior" that makes God love me more. And that includes making everything black and white. Christians tend to prohibit what God allows and non Christians tend to allow what God prohibits. Both are equally dangerous. (quoting my pastor, Bob Flayhart). 

Two years ago a tattoo was taboo. But not out of a mean heart.. but just not understanding that things that aren't strictly prohibited in the Bible mean it's a matter of choice/freedom to the individual. Instead, of it being about MY OPINION on the matter and everyone should just do that instead.

So getting the tattoo "Steadfast Love" is based on the bible verse: Lamentations 3:23 "The steadfast love of the Lord endures forever. His mercies are new every morning" Steadfast love: constant, unending, persistent. That's the love of the Father. I don't have to perform to get that love. But having felt that love I do want to please him. But I know now that because of Christ, His affections for me are secure. There is nothing I can do (good) to make God love me more. And nothing I can do (bad) to make God love me less. 

Long story. But the truth is,  I've been a Christian for 14 years and I am just now understanding a tad bit more of God's love for me. I am thankful for Christ and the freedom I have to get a tattoo (which Paul in the Bible warned us not to use our freedoms to sin.. ie. being harsh to those who don't feel the same freedom or taking part in what he strictly prohibits)." 




So, if you are against tattoo's because you just don't like them, fine.  But please understand that Leviticus 19:28 is not a mandate against tattoo's.  It's a mandate against the worship of Baal.  Big difference.  I am fine with anyone not liking my tattoo for the tattoo's sake.  But it is not a sin to get a tattoo.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Do you have a tattoo?  Have you gotten heat from it?

Running funny..

I am reaching new territory in my running "game." Being a little more fit this go around makes running less excruciating, but the fact that I am trying to run farther (and faster) makes it a very hard goal still. So it's time for some motivation.

While I appreciate the serious motivational running quotes..

I much prefer the funny ones..

But I have to admit, there is nothing more motivational than being covered in sweat and beating your own personal best. Here I am after my first time running 5 miles.

Then I got mad when I did the math and realized that had I run 1.2 extra miles I would have run 10k. Guess that means I have to do it on my next run!

Anyone else out there running??

Losing It!!

So the before pic was in November of 2011. The "almost there" was taken today (4/11/12) in my first size SMALL shirt that I've purchased since before the birth of my fourth child almost 2 years ago.

I have been working out almost everyday. Eating well and keeping track of it all with the app "Lose It." I love that app. But most of all I love making working out part of my regular life. A "lifestyle" change.

I've lost 9.5 lbs (to date) and one pant size. And my current jeans are falling as well. Good progress.

But for the record.. all you busy moms out there. I will NOT say how "just getting started is the key." I WILL tell you the things I have skipped out on in order to make this my goal:

*My routine is shot. I go to the gym in the morning for two hours. 1 1/2 hrs to work out and 30 minutes to shower before I pick up the kids. We get home and do lunch, naps for the younger two and then rush through as much school as possible with my oldest.

*Errands don't happen unless at night. I try not to skip my workouts (Muscle on M-W-F, Spinning/cardio on T-Th) and therefore I don't get to run a lot of errands until when I am most tired..evenings.

*laundry. I haven't given up laundry as much as it's just not always folded. The kids need underwear? they go look in the basket. It's a given.

*My house is not tidy. Not that it ever was. But with us gone in the mornings it's not like we can wreck it any more. But the point is that housework isn't top of list.

Bottomline: I am not superwoman. And I have not managed to "balance" it all. No one can. So please know.. it comes at a sacrifice to something. For a small time.

Once I reach my goal I will be able to back off the everyday routine and settle into a 3-4 times a week routine. My hubby knows that this is my goal and he encourages me.. also knowing that some of the things that we are used to as a family (clean underwear in drawers) is something that everyone else pitches in on.

And I'm very happy with that.

Why the GNO and MHD are mandatory..

I've written a post before explaining the guilt that moms feel about taking time for themselves. Whether it's a "Girls Night Out" or a "Mental Health Day," they are both incredibly invaluable. And your whole family will be better if you take part.

But how do you know when it's time? While I advocate setting up a regular time for you to make time for yourself (to be by yourself or with friends).. there are those moments that sneak up on you with such craftiness that it takes every ounce of strength to make it to bed time.

For instance, a time when a GNO or MHD may be a matter of supreme urgency is when one, or all, of the examples (listed below) happen in regular succession:

Exhibit A:

A child sticks a pencil up their nose.

Exhibit B:
A child paints their face with.. wait for it... a BLUE SHARPIE.

Exhibit C:
You have cooked every meal for your kids and are only left with this:


Exhibit D:

Your two year old puts the coffee in the sugar bin. But alas, it was my fault.

Exhibit E:
You clean your house over and over again.. but at the end of the day it still looks like this:

I think you get the point. And I am sure you have many "exhibits" of your own. I just want to encourage you to know that "breaks" are okay to take. In fact, your family will be better for it. Even if your next day is filled with "exhibits" you will have a fresh perspective: like, it's doable without losing your sanity.

Why I love the Ergo!

As previously noted, I love baby wearing and here is one more reason why:

Yes, she was exhausted.

Yes, the Ergo can carry a 3.5 year old.

And I love it!!

(I will also add that this girl did not feel as heavy as carrying the 23 month old boy just 15 minutes earlier).

CURSE you "Hunger Games"!

Because the "Hunger Game" series is my first time being sucked in to a good book series (I know, I know.. somewhere someone just hissed their vampire teeth at me..) I am on the learning curve about when one should actually read during the day.

Say, for instance, if you have small children. One would have to catch on rather quickly that getting sucked into the "arena" is NOT a good idea when you have, say, a toddler and they are awake.

Because, when all you can hear is the cry of Katniss for Peeta you may miss out on the eerily silent toddler. And we all know that a silent toddler is way more scary than anything President Snow can throw at you.

Take for instance what one might find when they walk into the kitchen, after the toddler walks up to me (obviously engrossed in the third book) with sugar coated hands...

yes.. he certainly did (under all manner of stealth like movements) move the chair up to the counter, and proceed to pour coffee into the sugar bin. And then play around a bit..

Notice the nice coffee in the silver sugar bin?

Obviously, he did this in defiance of the rations in District 13.

And in direct response to my absorption in this series.

Serves me right. Lesson learned.

Next time, I read when he is safely asleep.

..but I still don't like "play dates."

I truly think I may be the only mom on the planet that doesn't like the "play date."

You know, the "fun" time where (in a perfect world) your kids play happily with your friends' kids so that you can have uninterrupted mommy talk time?

Exactly. In a perfect world. Or maybe with kids who are compliant and don't try to use the equipment as a way to cause heart palpitations to their dear old mom.

((Now before you go all, "well if they were trained..", on me. That applies to your family. Not to mine)).

Back to what I was saying. What was I saying? Oh, yes. Play dates. I remember the first time I went on a playdate when I had two small kids. Thankfully back then it consisted of destroying my friends house (because it was indoors) but we all pitched in to clean everything up. Granted, I was clued in pretty early that while we (mommy's) could speak as we pleased, we couldn't hear a daggum thing over all the shrills.

Fast forward to four kids and, while two are older, I still have two smaller ones that I have to chase around the park. And generally we end up at some darn park without a fence. You know, prison containment for my kids that are not compliant. But most of all it's the fact that I will have 50% that want to wander and explore (again, perfectly fine) except that the other 50% want to stay and do death defying stunts on the playground. So hmmm... which one do I oversee? All the while, the other mom is standing there probably wondering why I'm not talking to her very much.

I can't handle it. Oh I can handle my children at a park. I just can't handle the idea that somehow I am supposed to carry on a conversation beyond: "Eva, you fell of the merry go round because you were dangling your, eh hem, booty out in the air," "Isaac, stop trying to eat the bark. BLAH" "Jorge and Alex, stop climbing on the outside of the tube slide. Seriously."

So when it's just us. I enjoy it. I know, it makes me anti-social. But I've been told I will enjoy play dates again one day, but that seems absurd to me because by the time that happens I've also heard it's hard to get teenagers to go hop on the playground equipment.

Here are some pics of our park day today. (yes, it was not a play date. Even though I invited other mommies to go. No one could come on such late notice).

Exploring for cool sticks.

My favorite "equipment" for them to climb on.

Their faces seem a bit upset that we aren't eating with friends.

What are your thoughts on Play dates? And is it one word or two?

Why I quit blogging..

It's been 5 months since I last wrote on my personal blog. And while I tried to give a small hint as to the changes I've experienced, I had not given much explanation as to why those changes prompted my exodus from the blog world.

You see, I struggled with feelings of insecurity and rejection and the best way for me to feel immediate relief was for the World Wide Web to give me a stroke to my ego. Granted, I did not always realize this was going on, but alas, it was. The symptoms that presented were (but not limited to) inflammation of the truth, of my world. I wanted to get a pat on the back so I would write a post, show a picture or gush about how wonderful my life, kids, family was (this also applies to Facebook posts). These things in and of themselves are not negative. But when this was the only thing you ever saw, you may tend to think that I am either perfect, or living some kind of dream life where my kids obey 90% of the time and I rarely raise my voice.. I mean, why would I have to with the perfect kids and all?

What's lacking in the posts and pictures is the back story or the immediate after story. Let me give you some examples. There is the perfect caption and then the reality. But rarely is the reality ever shared.. because I just wanted you to focus on the positive. Heck, I did too. While I may not have captioned these pictures exactly like they are below, the truth of my point still stands: sometimes people present only a portion of their reality.

*Exhibit A.

Caption: "I am so proud to be home all day and school these adorable children who are so creative and do nothing but sit at this table with a sincere reverence for me." (okay, a little dramatic.. but you get my point).

Reality: While I didn't stage the shot, as soon as I hit send on sharing with facebook the older two started fighting about who had done a better job on their work. Eva walked over and drew on Isaac's paper and he started screaming. It wasn't quiet and serene any more.. and certainly not reverent.

Exhibit B:

Caption: "I love that my children enjoy being so close to each other. They are so happy together. They are watching a movie that they NEVER EVER EVER get to do because we don't like that big ugly box, unless it's absolutely necessary.. like I'm sick or they are sick or something EXTREMELY RARE like that."

Reality: This is probably the third day that they had watched t.v. and not because it's educational. Nope. They are zombies. They are sitting next to each other because the magic machine is playing happy images that will do nothing for their educational achievement. Oh and no one was sick. I was probably just trying to keep my head above water with laundry or house work.

Exhibit C:

Caption: "I am so excited that I just made this incredibly healthy meal for my entire family. Look at the effort it took.. but it's worth it to eat healthy. I mean please know how much I value eating healthy and know that my kids LOVE it."

Reality: I won't tell you how many times I eat fast food in a week. And I certainly wont talk about the extra weight I have because you might deduce that all my habits aren't as healthy as I'm letting on. Gracious, don't even get me started that Broccoli is the ONLY green thing my kids will eat and THAT is only because of the movie "Mars needs moms" that got them on the idea that it was "cool."

Exhibit D:

Caption: "I love being home so that I can keep my house clean. Like, all the time. I just love being able to have a clean house."

Reality: This was taken while our house was on the market. I only kept it this clean for the first few weeks. Then I realized that if someone wanted to buy the darn house they would have to buy it in it's current state and I certainly wouldn't break my back with four small kids trying to keep it spotless. I guess I should also mention we never sold it. But we are happy to still be in it.

I think you may be getting my point. For so long in my life, I was so hungry for affirmation and acceptance that I would shudder at the thought of telling you my parenting failures or my marriage mistakes but now I long for it. When I post a picture on facebook (or a status update) I have to ask myself: Is this presenting the reality? Or, am I only sharing the positive I see? Now I like to share pictures of what's really going on on any given day. Mostly to remind myself not to take myself so seriously. And honestly, to help those around me realize that it's okay to be honest. But it starts with yourself.

I don't know.. maybe, just maybe I will return to blogging. It may not be as often but I can assure you that it will be balanced. ;-)