Last night I had a "come to Jesus meeting" with myself. And I had to acknowledge some feelings that are hard to admit.
I've had three "medically necessary" inductions. (at the time, I was told they were medically necessary, but in hindsight had I had more info it could have been avoided). And in this day in time, c-section rates and induction rates are skyrocketing. It is very rare to see a mom enter an L&D ward with spontaneous labor.
In the past 10 months as a doula I have helped 13 moms with their delivery. All but one, were spontaneous labors. All were unmedicated (props to Lindsay for doing a Pit birth unmedicated). And with each mom I got the privilege of encouraging her by saying "yes, your body was created.. to birth your baby. You will go from one day having no labor signs to the next.. the onset of labor. God made your body to not only grow the baby but to deliver it too."
Well yesterday, I realized that while i knew that in my head, i was not trusting it for myself. I thought, "sure, others can start labor.. but me, I've only had a synthetic hormone prompt my labors. So I doubt I will ever start labor on my own." It was a very humbling moment as I realized that I wasn't truly trusting my God in His design. I also wasn't trusting the Lord with "an open hand" for my due date, which is May 13th.
My hubby got a letter in the mail two weeks ago that said he was finally scheduled for his citizenship test and ceremony for May 19th. He has waited 20 years for this day. I have waited with him 7 of those years. And it is a very important deal for us. It is also in Atlanta and it is also not an option to reschedule. Well, unless you'd like to pay the US government another $700. And thinking that if I went to my due date, and then stayed in the hospital 2 days, I did not want to be 6 days post-partum heading to Atlanta for this appointment. It made much more sense (in my head) to try and sweep my membranes before hand and "pull out all the stops" earlier so that we could make this delivery a little earlier. Needless to say, my sweet Heavenly Father showed me that I really wasn't trusting Him for His planning of the birthday as well. He is the one who knows what day this child will be born and He is also the one who knew the date of the citizenship ceremony and i can trust that He will work it all out for my good and His glory.
Now that may sound trite to some.. but for me, it was a major issue. To learn to open my hand in ALL areas of a spontaneous birth.. not just in 'can my body do it'.. but will I let my body do it. It is a GREAT thing I am privileged to walk through and I know that God is growing me through it. It's a wonderful lesson to learn to trust for yourself, the things you have encouraged others in.
And just for the record.. Im starting to lose my mucus plug. ;-P (see, my body IS doing it).