Thursday, April 29, 2010

Spontaneous Labor, for me, is a trust issue.

You know, come to think of it, I know I'm not the only one that feels this way.

Last night I had a "come to Jesus meeting" with myself. And I had to acknowledge some feelings that are hard to admit.

I've had three "medically necessary" inductions. (at the time, I was told they were medically necessary, but in hindsight had I had more info it could have been avoided). And in this day in time, c-section rates and induction rates are skyrocketing. It is very rare to see a mom enter an L&D ward with spontaneous labor.

In the past 10 months as a doula I have helped 13 moms with their delivery. All but one, were spontaneous labors. All were unmedicated (props to Lindsay for doing a Pit birth unmedicated). And with each mom I got the privilege of encouraging her by saying "yes, your body was created.. to birth your baby. You will go from one day having no labor signs to the next.. the onset of labor. God made your body to not only grow the baby but to deliver it too."

Well yesterday, I realized that while i knew that in my head, i was not trusting it for myself. I thought, "sure, others can start labor.. but me, I've only had a synthetic hormone prompt my labors. So I doubt I will ever start labor on my own." It was a very humbling moment as I realized that I wasn't truly trusting my God in His design. I also wasn't trusting the Lord with "an open hand" for my due date, which is May 13th.

My hubby got a letter in the mail two weeks ago that said he was finally scheduled for his citizenship test and ceremony for May 19th. He has waited 20 years for this day. I have waited with him 7 of those years. And it is a very important deal for us. It is also in Atlanta and it is also not an option to reschedule. Well, unless you'd like to pay the US government another $700. And thinking that if I went to my due date, and then stayed in the hospital 2 days, I did not want to be 6 days post-partum heading to Atlanta for this appointment. It made much more sense (in my head) to try and sweep my membranes before hand and "pull out all the stops" earlier so that we could make this delivery a little earlier. Needless to say, my sweet Heavenly Father showed me that I really wasn't trusting Him for His planning of the birthday as well. He is the one who knows what day this child will be born and He is also the one who knew the date of the citizenship ceremony and i can trust that He will work it all out for my good and His glory.

Now that may sound trite to some.. but for me, it was a major issue. To learn to open my hand in ALL areas of a spontaneous birth.. not just in 'can my body do it'.. but will I let my body do it. It is a GREAT thing I am privileged to walk through and I know that God is growing me through it. It's a wonderful lesson to learn to trust for yourself, the things you have encouraged others in.

And just for the record.. Im starting to lose my mucus plug. ;-P (see, my body IS doing it).

Thursday, April 22, 2010

not much goin' on..

Im 37 weeks preggo today.

my doc appt yesterday was uneventful. NST was perfect. Amnio fluid (via u/s) was plentiful (19 cm's.. i gotta enough for others too!)

And other than some minor contractions.. there isn't much going on. I definitely feel like his head is very low. And my lower abdomen is very sore.. don't ask.. i have no idea.

I'll keep ya posted if anything changes. ;-)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Is it nesting?

I am going to be 36 weeks tomorrow. I have had three babies at 38 weeks. I am under the impression that somehow I could deliver at 38 weeks, again.

this is causing some "pressure" to get things done around here.

However, having our house on the market means I still have to keep things uncluttered. And while I don't consider necessary furniture (extra dresser for Isaac's clothes and stuff) to be clutter, we have to minimize things that we can downsize on. So this means that I have to be creative.

I don't want to be creative. I just want to pull out all my baby stuff and not worry about the fact that it is "over crowding" our little house. But alas, this is what we have to do to keep our house "ready."

All that to say, Im nesting. Seriously nesting. And i can't do a lot of things during the day because my kiddo's need me (go figure ;-p) so i have to get more done in the evenings. This in itself is a testimony to how badly I want to get things done/ready. My evenings are normally spent veggin' on the couch. But the past two nights I have been super productive, thus super tired. And I still feel overwhelmed that i am not keeping up with everything.

Well, if you have read this post this far, you are truly bored. Random, I know. More for my own documenting. And to keep my mind off the fact that my floors still need to be mopped.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

As a doula, I know better.

Look. I'm human.

I know I should know better, but hey.. it happens to us all.

Just remember what its like when you are 35 weeks pregnant, tired, chasing three other littles and so tired and drained from a sinus cold due to an ungodly amount of pollen in your state.

But often today I found myself saying, "Rachel, you could actually have this baby early."

Now, as a doula I would respond to a client who says that, like this: "Yes you very well could. But remember, each pregnancy is different and each labor is different. Also, with natural childbirth you have to be prepared to labor when your body says it's time, which could be 41-42 weeks."

I want to slap that doula.

Ha! Here's how it worked in my head today. I went back and looked and the evidence with Eva.
-Planned induction on a Tuesday, at 38.1 weeks.
-the week before at 37.1 weeks I was checked and found to be at 5cm's. (no ctx's just braxtons).
-at 37.4 I had my membranes stripped (on the Friday before my induction)
-at 37.5 I lost my mucus plug and started prodromal labor.
-at 37.6 I had 5-6 hours of consistent 8 min apart ctx's.. (prodromal) because they puttered out that evening.
-38.0 weeks.. another day of prodromal.
-38.1 -induced. two hours of labor and had a baby.

Now, I am convinced that had I waited (not been induced) I would have had that baby sometime that week (week 38). However, again.. not a guarantee when it comes to facts. You can loose your mucus plug two weeks ahead of time, even though most moms loose it and have their babies a few days later. And prodromal, that can last weeks too.

However, none of that has any bearing on this pregnancy, yet I still rationalize in my head that it could happen this time. What I really mean is.. I want it to happen this time.

Yeah, I said it. I know my baby needs to cook as long as he needs, but lets just say, I won't be sad if he comes early. ;-)

See, as a doula, I am rolling my eyes at my pregnant self.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Blessings and weird things..

Let me start with the random weird things first. Those with children will appreciate this.. or at the very least, please tell me that we are NOT some strange family.

-Yesterday while taking a shower I noticed that our white shower curtain had a small spot of what looked like, well, poop. It was about the size in diameter of a quarter. Yuck. Where did that come from? Better yet, which child and why? So today as I'm using the bathroom myself, I notice another area of my shower curtain has two small spots of poop. However, this time I knew that my oldest child, Jorge (almost 5 yrs old in June) had just gone to the bathroom and had gone #2. I called him in there and said "Jorge, what is this?" To which he sheepishly smiled and said, "Poo-poo." Ah ha! We have our culprit. I was not expecting what he said next. "Jorge, tell me. How did poop get on the shower curtain?" .. brace yourself.. "because I wiped my bottom." WHAAATT??

How does a child that is about to be 5 think it's okay to pull the shower curtain over and proceed to wipe his bottom with it? You can't make this stuff up.

-While we are talking about said child.. today at church I got pulled out of my Bible Study because Jorge hit another child in the face. Why? Over a seat. Granted, Jorge was very broken and repentant and knew that he had really done something bad.. so that was hopeful. And he also got his punishment when he got home. What's weird is that Jorge is normally my child that will use his words to try and get what he wants and be the first one to come tattle-tale when he doesn't get it. Please understand, I am not saying that my child is not capable of hitting a child, unprovoked, it's just odd that he just hauls off and hits a kid. Either way, we dealt with it and I am praying that he thinks hard about losing his self control again.


-today at Bible study a sweet friend in my class gave me some cash. Why? To get a pedicure. I had asked, jokingly if I were allowed to pray for God to provide me with a pedicure since I could not reach my feet to do it myself. That sweet lady, not three minutes later, handed me some cash and told me to go get one. Isn't that sweet?? So today when my hubby gets home I am going to go get my feet rubbed on (Lord willing).. thank you Gaye. You are a blessing.

-A few days ago a sweet friend (who I met first through the blogosphere) and then met at a Chickfila and realized that I knew her from her blog and that we new the same people.. (long sentence) brought me a meal. And not just any meal but an incredibly delicious Cheddar chicken pot pie. I am not exaggerating when I say I probably polished off half of it in one sitting. It was amazing. thank you Missi for your sacrifice (she has four little ones herself) and for blessing our family.

-My mom told me today that she and dad had discussed it with my little sister Rachel (remember, the gymnast for the University of Alabama?) and they want to pay her to be my nanny this summer!! I can't even type that with out wanting to cry with such thankfulness. Granted, it won't be an everyday all day thing.. she will still have to go to Tuscaloosa to practice a couple of days a week.. but even if it were for two hours, I am eternally grateful. I talked to Rachel today and she said she was very excited and can't wait. don't worry, I warned her that at some point she is probably going to want to pull her hair out.. but that I'd take it easy on her. ;-)

Well, that's it for now. God is amazing and I am thankful for the weird things as well as the blessing in our family. Now, i need to go so that I can bleach a shower curtain.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Happy Easter.. cup half full..

Cup half full: at least they were all sitting still. (even though not one of them smiled for the camera. My little precious family. I love 'em. Smiles or not).