Unmotivated. Feeling lethargic and then highly "emotional." Oh and add in some feelings of severe inadequacy.
Ahhh.. the spice of life.
But walking in that "tension" as we call it in recovery.. is a good place to be. You see, because that is where God meets you. NOT once you have your "act together." He meets you in your weakness. In fact, that is where His strength is perfected.
For years, I would beat myself up with guilt because not only did I know that I felt like I was in a pit, I couldn't just "snap out of it." And for that I was angry. Add to that, the notion that somewhere in my world there was someone that had it worse off than me and my happy tale of a life, well then, you can just add more guilt.
Stir. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
So now what?
Rest. Trust. Wait.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Rest in the tension. Trust that God will meet you AND restore you. Wait for Him to do it. Not some silly, contrived, half-hearted, in my own strength, gonna "do it no matter what" waste of your time.
Right where you are.. in that tension (emotion of the moment) you are a well loved daughter (or son) of the King. That phrase "He won't give you more than you can handle??" try this one on: "You (as you are in this moment) aren't more than He can handle."
Grace comes in the morning. Mercy too. Rest in it. You do not have to be something that you aren't. (happy, chipper, upbeat, excited, etc). Rest in the truth that you are loved. In this very moment.
So now on the other side of my valley.. my peace: it's from the Lord. Not fake "peace."
My happiness: it's from the Lord. Not fake, "I SHOULD be happy."
My joy for the simple things: It's from the Lord. Not fake, "I need to appreciate this."
My friends hear me on this: You are a loved child of the King. Right in that "funk" God is walking with you. Pour out your heart to Him. He can handle it. I promise.