Thursday, September 24, 2009

All done crying.

You ever have those moments where all you really need is to just cry?  

That was today.  Sure, I am hormonal, but it was a true need to just acknowledge how I feel about all that is going on.   

Don't get me wrong.. no one is more thrilled to have another "bun" in the oven than me, but it each pregnancy is so different and this one is no exception.  This time I had to mentally adjust my brain to "you are doing it all over again." You see, I had resigned myself to the belief that I would NEVER be pregnant again (those thoughts are normal for someone whose husband has had a vasectomy).   And in our talks about our next child (via adoption) we always talked about adopting a toddler.  So not only was I past pregnancy, I was probably NOT going to be doing a newborn. 

{insert God laughing, here}

So now I am in the throws of nausea, fatigue and for the first time during a first trimester: insulin dependence.  I always had insulin in my pregnancies but NEVER this early.  With Eva I was about 11 weeks along.  So I was just about over being nauseous.  With insulin comes "working out the kinks." Which means I can "crash" if I get too much.  Think Julia Roberts, hair salon scene in "Steel Magnolias."  

It may not have me convulsing, but I get pretty shook up and it takes me about two hours to fully recovered. 

Add to that the normal nausea and absolute fatigue and you got yourself a strong cocktail of a day.  Lather, Rinse, Repeat for the next day. 

I do not want to complain.  Really, I don't.  This baby is a blessing.  this pregnancy too.  It is just a hard time, my first trimester, to juggle cooking, cleaning and child rearing.. oh and let's not forget.. just having fun with my kids. 

So at small group today.. i could hold it in no longer.. I was asking for prayer and then just started to cry.  Those sweet ladies stopped right then and prayed over/for me and reminded me how God is and that He would carry me through.  It was a sweet time and I am so thankful for them.  Not to mention that they all organized bringing me a meal..once a week.  

At least, my husband is guaranteed to have one home cooked meal a week.. I'll work on the other days.. one day at a time.  

and in case you wanted to see that clip of Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias.. here ya go.. about the four minute mark is the start of her low blood sugar spell.. 


Lindsay said...

Your tears are certainly understandable. Amazing blessing though your precious little one is, I'm sure any normal person would feel overwhelmed at times. I'll be praying for you!

Rebekah said...

I'll be praying for you! Let me know...even though I'm not in your small group...if you want me to ever make you a meal, or if you want me to babysit for you sometime on a weekend for you to have some down time. In a backwards way, you've reminded me not to complain when I have tons to do with my work at school. Thank you! :)

Enjoy Birth said...

Hugs, wish I could bring you a meal. You have a big challenge ahead of you. But you can do all things with Christ.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” Philippians 4:13

There have been moments in my life where I just say this scripture over and over again. It helps me make it through.


Jennifer said...

thank you for sharing. i felt so many emotions with the shock of this pregnancy and understand a lot of what you're saying, and will pray for your emotions and physical well-being too. i know you have so much going on with 3 little ones already, and admire you, and know God is faithful to keep you going! love you so much!