239!

No people that number does not represent how many days I have left in this pregnancy.  It was my "score" on my blood glucose test today.  YIKES!  You know the one that I was not going to take.  Granted, my bs numbers would not normally be that high since I don't have that much sugar in one sitting, ever!  But it is obvious that I DO have gestational diabetes again (third time, baby).  Right now I will do the usual "diabetic diet"  until eventually  my pancrease goes on complete vacation and then insulin it is.  This happened around 14 weeks with Miguel.  We'll see.  

How do I feel about all this?  I need my "day" of sad frustration that God answered in a way that I did not want and by tomorrow I will be once again rallying "to God be the Glory!"  I know God has the Glory now.. but by tomorrow I will be "feelin' it."  The reality of this time around is harder just because my endocronologist told me that he (before this pregnancy) feels very strongly that after one of these pregnancies I am going to keep the diabetes.  Maybe not the insulin dependence but definately type 2.  I have my perspective: i understand this is not inoperable lung cancer we are dealing with.  However, its is daunting to think that 1) I could deal with this day in, day out for the rest of my life and even have trouble with side effects and complications later and 2) that, since this is auto immune (my mother had and died from Lupus) that I could pass that gene on to one of my own children.  Even though Lupus and Diabetes are both "livable" diseases (That was not the case 20-30 years ago when my mother had it), the risks involved over long periods of time can be saddening.  

Anyway... God is in control.  He has His purposes.  I only pray that I will honor Him with my attitude and thoughts about all of this.  Besides He has given me two beautiful and healthy babies even with all that insulin.  We will pray for the same this time too!