Are all those your kids?

I have four. F.O.U.R kids. That is not a lot (in my mind). Especially considering that I have friends with 5, 6 or 7 kids.

But I do "get it" that them being so close in age, and all under 5, it looks like a circus when we go out..but I seriously don't get some people's reactions.

For instance, yesterday at Walmart. A man in his late sixties (my guess) was with his wife. She and I were both rummaging through the packaged meats when he decides to go for it.

him: "All those your kids?" (strong southern accent).
me: "Yup."
him: with a chuckle, "you guys aint figured out what causes that?"
me: never looking up from the meats, "Well, actually yes. And we like it very much."
him: an embarrassed chuckle, "well.. uh.. i guess you would."

(I should note that his wife, after I said that we liked it, gave him a death stare).

And I should forewarn everyone.. if you decide to ask me about my sex life.. I will answer you. Gone are the days of politely ignoring you. I will engage your desire to find out about my sex life and reproductive tendencies.

Galaxar out.

in which I stir the pot of controversy..parenting edition.

I haven't rocked the boat in a while. I've kept my posts very mellow and non-hot button issue-ish.

Until now.

I know I am going to get a debate going over here.. but I can no longer.hold.it.in.

What do you think of when you see this?:

There seems to be two types of momma's out there. The kind that sees this as an opportunity to teach your child conformity to rules and absolutes and the mom that could give a rip and just says, "have at it. Just don't destroy the equipment."

I betcha aren't sure which one I camp in.

Ya see, there is no sign on that equipment. Contrary to the ones at Chickfila that say "NO CLIMBING." the equipment above is meant to be climbed on. However, I'm sure not every child is like mine (or my sisters' since hers were doing it too) and will climb on the outside of that slide or traverse the outside of the bars on the walkway.

But I ran into a mom that was of the first mindset and yelled out in the direction of my child but supposedly to her child (who wasn't climbing on the outside), "yeah, and play on the equipment the way it's meant to be played on."

Please, dear mom, tell me what that looks like.

Here is my thing.. i understand the philosophy behind "up the stairs down the slide." I used to preach it all.the.time.. until my boys reached three years old. And I realized that they wanted the challenge of climbing up that slide. Heck, I realized i used to do that too.. remember these?:

I used to have a field day going up those things. And trying not to get burned, btw. But I don't allow my kids to do it when someone else wants a turn going down the slide. So there are some restrictions that apply. But I don't hold the overall philosophy that these things are NOT meant to be played on that way. Like it's some kind of kid code. Otherwise, as my sister so eloquently pointed out, "then no kid would ever climb a tree." Then I argued that those that hold the first opinion about the play equipment likely aren't too comfortable with their kids climbing a tree. But that may be too much of a generalization that isn't true. But if its not, then please tell me why the tree is okay but not the slide.

Anyway, here is my point. I think there is a whole parenting philosophy to be discussed here. I am all for rules. I don't let my children climb on the CFA equipment, well, because there is a sign saying not to.

But barring destroying property.. I allow my children to climb on playground equipment. And yes, I do intervene if they are about to hurt someone.

I don't know where you stand on the issue.. but I am fine with my children climbing. And if you are not comfortable with it, maybe you can adopt the motto we have in our family: "Others may, you may not."

that is all.

feel free to express your opinion. ;-P

In which the 2 y.o goes to MDO.

Let me set up the scenerio for ya.

It's 10 a.m. We have done breakfast, have gotten dressed, straightened up the house, just had a showing for the house and are sitting at the living room table to go over some phonics for school. Granted, this is supposed to be Jorge's school "stuff" but I have a baby crawling around my feet, a 4 yo trying to grab the letters off the table and a 2 yo that is yelling that it's "my tuuun."

At the moment that I put my head on the table (because the reality that the one child that is supposed to be reviewing the letters can't even hear his own thoughts to focus) I realize that something HAS gotta change.

I really don't have an issue with homeschooling. Teaching a kindergartener is not difficult. But wrangling three younger siblings WHILE trying to juggle school, the house and selling the house, well.. THAT is.

So I knew it was time.

Time to enroll Eva (the 2 y.o) in MDO. Isaac still takes a morning nap so we can do school while he sleeps. And Eva.. she can play and have someone that has her full attention and isn't telling her "no" all morning. well two mornings out of seven.

When Eva was born her older brothers went to MDO for three months. And I loved it. They loved it. It worked for everyone involved.

So, starting tomorrow (yes, they had an opening and it begins tomorrow).. Eva will go to MDO. Tonight she gets to go to Walmart and pick out her very own backpack (likely Tinkerbell or spiderman, it's a toss up).

And mommy, she gets to keep her sanity. ;-)

And Im sure that "little momma" will enjoy the time to make some GIRL friends to play "baby doll" with.

You might be a Pharisee if...

You might be a Pharisee if:

http://christlifemin.org/feature_articles/You_Might_Be_a_Pharisee_If.pdf

A great list.

As of late, I have been trying to evaluate the messages I have received most of my life. A lot of which "outwardly appear righteous to men, but inwardly are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness." (Matthew 23:28).

I am a recovering Pharisee. Someone who, while thinking I was doing good, was actually distorting what God "actually" said. How does this happen? When you (in general) take something simple from God's word and add, expound and reinterpret for everyone else. It applies to many things. And it applies not just to holding others to that standard, but it exists when you are holding yourself to this standard.

There are too many examples to list. In fact, I'd rather not list them because it WILL step on toes and I do not want to get hate mail. But ask yourself: is there something in your life that you so cling to, a practice, conviction, or "rule of life" that, by it's definition, as you have defined it, is NOT found explicitly in the Word of God? Then please, dear friend, consider that it may be your truth, but not Gods.

Adoption is like a box of chocolates..

Well at least the cashier at Wal-mart thinks so.  

Again,  I was asked if we are "done" having kids.  As soon as I mention that we are praying that it's not the end of kids for us and that in fact, we are hoping to adopt.. she says (with shock) "Why?  I mean, adopting is like reaching your hand in a bag and pulling out.. well you don't know what you're gonna get."  

To which I said, "well when we pop out kids ourselves, we don't know what we are gonna get either.  The truth is that God is bigger than anything that we could or couldn't do for our kids, biological or not."  

She didn't have anything to say to that but then told me that her sister has eight kids.  And the cashier just "ain't about to have eight kids herself."  Then I told her that I don't think it matters how many you have as long as you realize that they are a gift from the Lord and to be happy with the ones you have.  And that not everyone is meant to have a large family.  

I don't know this lady.  I don't know if she is a follower of Jesus Christ, so I can understand how a non-believer doesn't understand the beauty of adoption and how God's heart is to care for the orphans.  But sadly, the shocking responses we've gotten over our decision to adopt (or at the very least, to pray about it), have not all come from non-believers.

A good bit have come from believers.  We should know better.  God adopted us and He knew EXACTLY what he was getting, and YET He still did it.  

What are your reasons for not being "comfortable" with adoption (I've heard a good many): 

1.  Don't know what your going to get?  what issues a child may have.

2.  They look different than the rest of the family.  That may harm them latter in life. 

3.  We have so many needy children here in the states (targeted at those who adopt internationally). 

Lets consider those.  Come, let us reason together.  

1.  Don't know what you are going to get or what issues a child may have.  

I don't know about your god, but the God of the Bible is bigger than anything that can happen in this life.  And He promises not only can He restore what the locusts have eaten, but that His grace is sufficient and His power is perfected in weakness!  If you refuse one of these children on that basis, you are saying in effect that the Gospel can not work for them.  That their issues are bigger than what God can deal with.  Friends do not get me wrong... to say that statement above, you need to search your heart and understand that YOU may not be willing to work with that child, but the Lord Jesus Christ is.  

2.  They look different than the rest of the family and that may harm them later in life. 

oh the joy of knowing that God does not care about our looks (except for modesty, of course).  With all do respect, lets weigh this one.. which would harm a child more:  looking different in his family but being loved and accepted for who He is as an image bearer of the One true God and finding a home and family all his own OR wandering the streets, orphanage or hopping from home to home in our broken foster care system all because someone was uncomfortable that he wouldn't fit in with the way their family looked?  You tell me which one is harder to deal with. 

3. We have so many needy children here in the states (targeted at those who adopt internationally).

Yes, there are so many orphans everywhere that need homes.  But as my friend Megan (mom of three adopted children) said, "well yes there are kids in the states, but they are sitting in a foster home with basic felt needs met.   Children overseas and are very often sitting in their own feces."  No other words needed on that one.  

Friends, please don't misunderstand me, I know that God speaks to each family individually.  But do not be mistaken, God's word says this :

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27). 

Now how your family decides to "look after" them is a matter of prayer for your family, be it financial support to those wanting to adopt, or ministries that care for orphans, missions trips that visit orphans or adopting an orphan into your family.  The point is this:  It is something that we all should have a part in, especially those that bear the name of Christ: Christ-ones. Christians.   

grace to all of you.. 

Medicated birth vs. Unmedicated birth (my thoughts only)

I know that before I start this post I should give three qualifying statements to open:

1. These are my opinions only. My goal in this post is just to talk through my experience and process it for myself. You are just reading in on my thoughts. I am not trying to persuade anyone.

2. I did not have a "natural" birth in the true sense of the word. I was induced and delivered unmedicated. There is a huge difference and I can elaborate on that later.

3. As I have stated before, I loved my two medicated births (in the sense of being medicated) and had no "issues" with an epidural. But I also chose to do this birth unmedicated.

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With that said I guess the easiest way for me to break down the "pro's and con's" of each is to just do a simple list. And since every woman's body and each woman's pregnancy is so different, none of these pro's and con's can be "the rule."

Medicated: Pro's:

You don't feel much (if your epidural works). Main reason to get it, right? ;-P

You can adjust the amount of medicine released based on what you are comfortable with.

You are able to "relax" or sleep during your labor right up until its time to push.

Medicated Con's:

-If you get too much med's you can't move at all and this doesn't help when it's time to push.

-The epidural is known to slow things down a bit. So your labor can last longer even though you can't feel it.

-If your epidural doesn't work, and you were counting on it working and then you have to go unmedicated, you will not be happy and then have a disdain for unmedicated. But that is only bc you aren't prepared mentally, physically or emotionally to go unmedicated.

-(for me) the recovery time was slower with an epidural. After delivery I was lethargic and took a while before I could "get a grip" and not look like I was drugged.

-the baby can also have a harder time nursing after a medicated birth.

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Before I start the pro's and con's of an unmedicated birth I need to explain the difference between an unmedicated birth and an unmedicated natural birth. Natural means you go on your own. You are waiting for your body to kick into gear when the baby and your body are ready (i.e labor begins). My birth, unmedicated, was not natural in that sense. I was induced (because of a medical reason) and therefore some of the experience on my pro's and con's list I would not have had with a truly natural birth. Pitocin changes everything when it comes to labor.

Unmedicated Pro's:

-I was more involved in my plans for delivery. I was part of the process rather than just being brought in and told what to do. I was being asked what my desires were. That was awesome to know that I was in charge of my delivery.

-Even with pitocin contractions (stronger and less breaks) I enjoyed feeling what was going on with my body and making adjustments according to what felt better.

-I truly bonded with my husband (he was my coach) in a way that I had not bonded with him in our other two births. I needed him more. He was my support. I was depending on him in a way I had never done before. We did it as a team. I also feel this about all those in the room with us (although more so with my husband). I truly feel like I could not have done it without the group effort. We were all apart of the process.

-I recovered quicker while at the hospital. I was able to go to the bathroom an hour after delivery. thats a big deal. I had the ability to move.

-I was exhausted from the delivery but only because of all the work that I did, not because I was lethargic from the drugs.

-I had a huge sense of accomplishment when I saw my body do something that I never thought was capable. There was, is, a huge sense of pride in that. But it came as a surprise bc that isn't what I was looking for.. I wasn't trying to be superwoman. I just wanted to experience it without meds.. but I ended up seeing how awesome it felt to "climb that mountain."

Unmedicated con's:

-(with pitocin) the strength of the contractions continued even after the baby was out. With natural, this would not have been the case. This made me less interested in holding Eva since I still needed to focus through the contractions until the placenta was out.

-(with pitocin) the contractions are stronger with less breaks.. it took me a while to get used to that. But this also meant that labor was very quick. I went from 6 to 10 cm's in an hour and it was a lot of work and of course painful. But very quick.

-(with a face presentation) the pushing was very difficult. Her head was coming out wrong and I knew it (bc of no epidural). However, I believe that had she come out normally the pushing would have been the best part and a breeze. Because, even with a face presentation, once you get to where you know you need to push, the contractions are easier bc its your source of relief when you push with them. You are finally able to work with the uterus. For me, though, every time I was pushing her head was like "pushing a brick wall" that was my perineum. Not the case in a typical presentation.

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Overall I am so glad that I had the unmedicated birth. I really think it showed me some things about myself that I wasn't aware of. Things that translate into other areas of my life and that are worth evaluating. I need to qualify that with the fact that one is not right or wrong. But I think it's similar to the process of growing in maturity: if something could benefit you, whether or not you think that trait is necessary, it couldn't hurt to do it anyway. Let me explain.

A truly natural birth teaches patience and full surrender. You are not in charge. You are waiting on your body to tell you when it's time to deliver. Being three, or even five, centimeters dilated does not mean your body is ready. Going into labor means your body is ready. The patience it takes to do that is hard to attain to. It's hot. You're huge. Your body seems to be getting more and more tired everyday. Your have other little ones to chase and bottom line you may be just tired of being pregnant. All of those are normal feelings. I had them with all three of my pregnancies. However, to go natural means that you aren't surrendering to your feelings. You are waiting for God to grow that baby as He designed your body to do. Obviously if there is a medical issue that requires getting them early, He also designed that they could survive outside of the womb by a certain number of weeks gestation but there is a risk there you have to be willing to take. you have to admit that "convenience inductions" are astronomically high these days. Being induced because you are miserable is, I believe, keeping people from experiencing true surrender and walking in true patience. Now you may be someone who induced out of convenience and say with a hearty "Amen, and I'd do it again." And I am not saying you are wrong for doing it.. that's for you and your man to decide. However, I would say it's worth a look into how that would effect other areas in your life: physically, emotionally, spiritually as it relates to full surrender and walking in patience.

I had to ask myself during that weekend of trying all the wives tales to get the labor "going" trying to avoid pitocin that I knew was coming at 38 weeks if she didn't come out before, would I be willing to wait if induction wasn't in the picture? If I had normal blood sugar levels, no insulin and everything was like a typical, non-risk pregnancy, would I be patient enough to wait it out until 40-42 weeks until my body said it was time? That was a hard thing for me to process. If God designed my body in such a way that I would have that baby eventually (although it doesn't feel like it) why am I trying to be the orchestrator of timing. Anyway, Im sure you get my point.. enough of that one.

The other thing I learned (more, common sense) was that I can disagree with the good M.D. It's amazing to me, as I went through this process, how many woman do whatever they are told with no questions or dialogue with their doctors. If the the m.d says it.. it's good as gold. You have a right to your opinion and no one knows your body better than you do. And I am not talking about being disrespectful here. But rather being knowledgeable about what's going on with you and your body and knowing what would work best for you or saying that you are uncomfortable with something or would like to try something different. I know there are some that are non-confrontational and would never think to question what a doctor says, but there is dialogue that is not confrontation. Yes, doctors have way more training than we do, but still, they are not you. And you can disagree with them. Example: I self diagnosed my diabetes with the last two babies. When they "told" me I "needed" to come in (with Eva) for the blood glucose test I told them "no thank you." It wasn't my doctor who recommended it. And he was so surprised that I said I was going to pass and just monitor it with my glucometer at home. Now why was he so shocked? I believe it was because I wasn't doing it by the system or protocol. But my reasons were legit. If you know someone is borderline diabetic, how is pumping that much sugar into their system a good idea when a glucometer will tell you the same thing after eating a normal meal? Now my husband disagreed with me and said I needed to take the test. So I did. I got an astronomically high number and felt terrible for two days. He then apologized and his exact words were: "I should have listened to you. You know your body better than anyone and I don't want you to ever take that test again." The same rule applies to pediatricians too. End point.

Lastly, I learned that YOU CAN DO IT!!! You can do an unmedicated birth and an unmedicated natural birth. If you couldn't then God would have designed your body differently. Yes there is pain. That was given to us as part of the Fall of Adam but that doesn't mean that your can't actually deliver that way. You may doubt what you are capable of it, but believe me you can do it. HOWEVER, you have to be prepared. I don't know how many times I was told "oh so and so went without an epidural and hated it." And then I would ask, "were they planning on an unmedicated birth?" and every single time they were not. it was a case of not getting the epidural in time or it not working at all. Friends, that is not the same thing. I can't imagine how much more it would hurt to labor or birth unmedicated when you are not mentally prepared for it. So on that note, when you are prepared for it and have a method for dealing with the pain, then I guarantee it will not be something you hate. You very well could decide to just do the meds the next time, but I doubt you would hate it. I feel like I can say that since I had a delivery that lands most women on the cutting table. Its just not normal to deliver a baby face up, face first.

So for all of you out there that may be considering a natural/unmedicated birth let me tell you three things:

-lack of knowledge leads to fear. What you aren't well versed in will cause you to fear. Meaning, if you don't know what to do to get through the labor then you will fear the labor. And then think you can't do it. So learning and research are the key!

-Second, ONE CONTRACTION at a time. That's how you get through it. In the moment. You take one at a time. Regroup and do it again. before you know it.. it's time to push your baby out.

-I was most nervous about pushing the baby.. will i be able to handle the pain of her coming out, etc. And it was not near as bad as I thought..and thats with the face up, face first thing. ;-P

Well i think that's about it.. if I forgot something I'll let you know. So tell me what you think..