Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Controlling? Who Me?

Last night at our accountability group (of sorts).. we talked about relationships that rub us. And also areas that we try to control: areas of other peoples lives.

Moms: please don't confuse this with keeping our kids out of harm. Keeping them from certain consequences is helpful to them (protecting them from the pan on the stove).

The control I am learning about is areas that I try to "do" for my kids because I want them to "do" according to my expectation. Some of it is age appropriate and some is not. Lemme bust out an example for me in my season.


My older boys' dresser. Jorge has the top two (big) drawers and Alex, the bottom two. I even put little cards to show who's was who's and which was for shirts and which for pants. I fold laundry, but the boys are responsible to put it in their drawers. Jorge is 5 and Alex is 4.

Once they are are in the drawer they magically turn into the picture above. A disheveled mess. This rubs me. I want to go in there and fold it again. But why? For appearances sake. But guess what? I can live in that tension that it's not going to look the way I want it too. The boys are, at this age, doing what they can. Folding, neatness and order are foreign concepts to them. Just getting them to be helpers putting it away is lesson enough. For now.

I did open their drawer to take the pic. Otherwise I do ask that they actually keep the drawers closed (which means the clothes have to actually be inside, folded or not).

But they do NOT have to be concerned with my level of expectation.. for now.

What about you? what are areas/relationships that rub you..that you realize are not for you to control?


Natalie said...

I would like to control what others think of me. I get upset when people talk about certain issues all.the.time. because it makes me feel like they are trying to tell me subtly that I obviously fail in this area.
I realize this is my OWN issues and I do OWN it and work very hard to not take everything personally. :) Just because someone talks about exercise or eating right or being in the Word daily all.the.time. does NOT mean they are judging my lack of those things in my life. And even if they are, it is NOT my job to force them to think otherwise and I CAN be happy when someone else thinks I'm fat, lazy, selfish, less spiritual, or just plain wrong.
It has taken me YEARS to get to the point where I can hear something and not immediately become offended and hurt. Or at least when I do become offended and hurt, I can stop, think about it, realize my lack of control in this area and be okay with it.
Have I prattled long enough?
Sorry. It's a very big thing in my life right now. In fact, something I've been working on just today.
Thanks for sharing. :)

Greta said...

Errr, I'm pretty guilty of this exact same thing.
Workin' on it...