Thursday, September 24, 2009

All done crying.

You ever have those moments where all you really need is to just cry?  

That was today.  Sure, I am hormonal, but it was a true need to just acknowledge how I feel about all that is going on.   

Don't get me wrong.. no one is more thrilled to have another "bun" in the oven than me, but it each pregnancy is so different and this one is no exception.  This time I had to mentally adjust my brain to "you are doing it all over again." You see, I had resigned myself to the belief that I would NEVER be pregnant again (those thoughts are normal for someone whose husband has had a vasectomy).   And in our talks about our next child (via adoption) we always talked about adopting a toddler.  So not only was I past pregnancy, I was probably NOT going to be doing a newborn. 

{insert God laughing, here}

So now I am in the throws of nausea, fatigue and for the first time during a first trimester: insulin dependence.  I always had insulin in my pregnancies but NEVER this early.  With Eva I was about 11 weeks along.  So I was just about over being nauseous.  With insulin comes "working out the kinks." Which means I can "crash" if I get too much.  Think Julia Roberts, hair salon scene in "Steel Magnolias."  

It may not have me convulsing, but I get pretty shook up and it takes me about two hours to fully recovered. 

Add to that the normal nausea and absolute fatigue and you got yourself a strong cocktail of a day.  Lather, Rinse, Repeat for the next day. 

I do not want to complain.  Really, I don't.  This baby is a blessing.  this pregnancy too.  It is just a hard time, my first trimester, to juggle cooking, cleaning and child rearing.. oh and let's not forget.. just having fun with my kids. 

So at small group today.. i could hold it in no longer.. I was asking for prayer and then just started to cry.  Those sweet ladies stopped right then and prayed over/for me and reminded me how God is and that He would carry me through.  It was a sweet time and I am so thankful for them.  Not to mention that they all organized bringing me a meal..once a week.  

At least, my husband is guaranteed to have one home cooked meal a week.. I'll work on the other days.. one day at a time.  

and in case you wanted to see that clip of Julia Roberts in Steel Magnolias.. here ya go.. about the four minute mark is the start of her low blood sugar spell.. 

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Not much else..

Well after announcing baby #4 is on the way.. 

there really isn't anything left to say.  Im sick. And tired.. LOL.  

What else is new, huh? My first dr's appt is Oct 1st.  So that should be fun. (sigh).  But I do love my doctor.. its the every month thing that drives me nuts.  Im one of those that toward the end when they want you to come in every week I say, "my husband can take my bp at home and I'll call you if I have any concerns."  

Thankfully, my doc gives grace in that area.  He may not see me at all until the due month.  LOL. 

Im such a rebel.  ;-)

Monday, September 14, 2009



So.. yeah.

 I feel I need to offer some full disclosure here. You may or may not remember this post
I wrote while pregnant with Eva.  We wanted more kids.. but we were concerned about my health (long term) since, with each pregnancy my body gets more and more insulin resistant.  There are so many things that can happen to a body when you do that to it 9 months every year or so.  And with Eva, at 38 weeks I was on over 100 units of insulin a day.  And my gluc. numbers were out of control (low and high), even if I ate a piece of whole wheat bread and some chicken.  

Sooo, 10 months ago Jorge had a vasectomy.  

And today I am preggers!  Praise God for the blessing!  

And I can honestly say, should I get even more sick this time, and end  up on an insulin pump and a kidney transplant, the Lord will  still be glorified!  I will still praise Him for the life that He has placed in my womb (even if we thought we were making a wise decision).

Ready or not: Party of six!  

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I have a sad doula confession..

The sad doula confession:

I haven't always been doula-ish.

Let me explain. A doula could be defined as caring, supportive, knowledgeable and compassionate during a woman's labor process.

There are two people who knew me "way back when" I wasn't a doula at heart. And sadly, I feel that I will never forgive myself for how I "helped them."

The first person that probably didn't benefit from my "help" (pre-doula) is my sister Mishka. With all three of her births she would call me at first contraction. For her that did NOT mean it was really labor. She always had prodromal labor: contractions off and on for several days. But once the pattern stayed, I headed down to Montgomery (an hour away) to help her labor at home before going to the hospital. We would go walking, come home and basically time contractions the entire time. I didn't know how to get her comfortable. In fact, I remember one time with one child, she got "stuck" in her big couch during a contraction and couldn't escape.. she was not happy.. I think I just laughed.. while she was contracting. {sigh}

But the longest fall from grace (lol) was on her last delivery (almost three years ago). To my credit, I did have a three month old when I came down to "help," that I brought with me. But my poor sister, who labors through late at night, decided she wanted to lie down in her bed. NOT A GOOD IDEA FOR SLEEPY SISTER WITH A THREE MONTH OLD. So what happens? My sister is writhing in pain through contractions, by herself, and then gets up and starts hacking in the bathroom all by herself. To which she then come in, HAS TO WAKE ME UP, to tell me it's time to go to the hospital. {bigger sigh}

{shudder} Seriously, this makes me so sad. I occasionally tell her how severely sorry I am and how I wish she would have another baby so that I could redeem myself. LOL. I try to assure her that now I DO NOT resemble anything that I did when I was "helping" her. But I feel it's no use. She may be waiting for that birth story that involves me telling about how a mom had to wake me up to tell me it was time to get to the hospital. {sigh}

The second person that I have huge regrets with is my very good friend, Christina. She never reads my blog, but I am always apologizing to her too. Two years ago she was having her first baby and planning a natural child birth. I was convinced she was crazy, and I had no qualms about telling her exactly that. I said things like, but not limited to:

"Are you saying that you feel more confident that the doctors?"
"Do you feel like you have to prove yourself, or something?"
"Christina, really?? you can find research to prove any point you want to make. That doesn't mean it's right."
"I just think its ridiculous to go through pain when you don't have to."


I wish I could say that was the least of what I did. I was the most skeptical, rude, highly misinformed, ignorant woman you could think of. Not to mention, totally unsupportive and even angry at my friend for even considering doing something so "stupid." {sigh}

To both of these womens' credit, they were very patient with me. They even talk to me to this day. ;-) But i have to say, I have come a long way in the last two years.. since my pregnancy with Eva (who is a year old, btw). I immediately wanted to try a natural child birth.. and to who do I credit? Christina. And who was there at my birth as one of the most supportive, caring, encouraging coaches? my sister, Mishka (and Christina..well and Jen and Laurie and my husband..what can I say.. I am an extrovert).

I even have a "FREE THE MIDWIVES" bumper sticker on my van and am a huge advocate for home birth in Alabama or at least for women to have the option with a legal midwife. And I did get to redeem myself with Christina. Two months ago she gave birth to a baby girl. I was there with her the entire time and was actually able to help, the right way! ;-)

So you could say that I was once a sad case.. but thankfully God opened my eyes to the beauty of His creation and how it works beautifully and I am thankful that He puts very patient people in my life. {sigh}

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I need to know your thoughts..

Well, I understand that a good bit of people that were first reading my blog, from when it started, liked the family updates and such..

but now...

I have gone all birth junkie on ya!!

I know there are some of you beginning peeps that aren't all that into the whole natural childbirth "thing" which leads me to wonder..

Should I have a separate blog for birth "stuff?" Or just keep it all on the same thing?  Does it being combined make a difference to you and your desire to read this blog?  Those other birth junkies.. do you just want a place to hear about births (and related "stuff") and not have random family posts mixed in.. and you who don't like NCB, want me to take that talk somewhere else so you can get back to regular reading as usual?? 

If you read this blog.. please leave me your opinion in the comments.. ;-P

Sunday, September 6, 2009

My husbands humor..

My husband could spend hours on youtube finding funny phone pranks.. what can I say, he has a young sense of humor. . but tonight he played this one for me.. and it's hilarious..