Why I quit blogging..

It's been 5 months since I last wrote on my personal blog. And while I tried to give a small hint as to the changes I've experienced, I had not given much explanation as to why those changes prompted my exodus from the blog world.

You see, I struggled with feelings of insecurity and rejection and the best way for me to feel immediate relief was for the World Wide Web to give me a stroke to my ego. Granted, I did not always realize this was going on, but alas, it was. The symptoms that presented were (but not limited to) inflammation of the truth, of my world. I wanted to get a pat on the back so I would write a post, show a picture or gush about how wonderful my life, kids, family was (this also applies to Facebook posts). These things in and of themselves are not negative. But when this was the only thing you ever saw, you may tend to think that I am either perfect, or living some kind of dream life where my kids obey 90% of the time and I rarely raise my voice.. I mean, why would I have to with the perfect kids and all?

What's lacking in the posts and pictures is the back story or the immediate after story. Let me give you some examples. There is the perfect caption and then the reality. But rarely is the reality ever shared.. because I just wanted you to focus on the positive. Heck, I did too. While I may not have captioned these pictures exactly like they are below, the truth of my point still stands: sometimes people present only a portion of their reality.

*Exhibit A.

Caption: "I am so proud to be home all day and school these adorable children who are so creative and do nothing but sit at this table with a sincere reverence for me." (okay, a little dramatic.. but you get my point).

Reality: While I didn't stage the shot, as soon as I hit send on sharing with facebook the older two started fighting about who had done a better job on their work. Eva walked over and drew on Isaac's paper and he started screaming. It wasn't quiet and serene any more.. and certainly not reverent.

Exhibit B:

Caption: "I love that my children enjoy being so close to each other. They are so happy together. They are watching a movie that they NEVER EVER EVER get to do because we don't like that big ugly box, unless it's absolutely necessary.. like I'm sick or they are sick or something EXTREMELY RARE like that."

Reality: This is probably the third day that they had watched t.v. and not because it's educational. Nope. They are zombies. They are sitting next to each other because the magic machine is playing happy images that will do nothing for their educational achievement. Oh and no one was sick. I was probably just trying to keep my head above water with laundry or house work.

Exhibit C:

Caption: "I am so excited that I just made this incredibly healthy meal for my entire family. Look at the effort it took.. but it's worth it to eat healthy. I mean please know how much I value eating healthy and know that my kids LOVE it."

Reality: I won't tell you how many times I eat fast food in a week. And I certainly wont talk about the extra weight I have because you might deduce that all my habits aren't as healthy as I'm letting on. Gracious, don't even get me started that Broccoli is the ONLY green thing my kids will eat and THAT is only because of the movie "Mars needs moms" that got them on the idea that it was "cool."

Exhibit D:

Caption: "I love being home so that I can keep my house clean. Like, all the time. I just love being able to have a clean house."

Reality: This was taken while our house was on the market. I only kept it this clean for the first few weeks. Then I realized that if someone wanted to buy the darn house they would have to buy it in it's current state and I certainly wouldn't break my back with four small kids trying to keep it spotless. I guess I should also mention we never sold it. But we are happy to still be in it.

I think you may be getting my point. For so long in my life, I was so hungry for affirmation and acceptance that I would shudder at the thought of telling you my parenting failures or my marriage mistakes but now I long for it. When I post a picture on facebook (or a status update) I have to ask myself: Is this presenting the reality? Or, am I only sharing the positive I see? Now I like to share pictures of what's really going on on any given day. Mostly to remind myself not to take myself so seriously. And honestly, to help those around me realize that it's okay to be honest. But it starts with yourself.

I don't know.. maybe, just maybe I will return to blogging. It may not be as often but I can assure you that it will be balanced. ;-)

Can you remind me again..

Can you remind me again that the kids aren't out to get me?

WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING:

If you are a person who:

a) lives in a bubble and your kids are little drops of sunshine all day long, everyday or..

b) does not talk about the times in motherhood where you really start to question why you opted for children at all and you certainly wouldn't like to talk about that publicly..

This post WILL OFFEND you.

(Just thought you should be prepared).

Lets' start with this:

That's Eva, my 2 year old, in a cast.

Sunday (as in 5 days ago), while at a church we were visiting, she got her finger shut in the nursery door. It was a freak accident (Eva was behind the worker who was letting out another girl to her mommy). GROSS ALERT: We had to rush to the ER. I saw flesh.. and lots of blood. Eva was hysterical. Mommy was trying not to be. They had to remove her fingernail AND she got 8 stitches (thus the amount of blood I freaked about). She was a trooper. She watched the surgeon as he stitched her up and didn't even cry when they gave her the local block (shot) to numb up her hand. She was super strong. That night she did wake up every four hours for pain medication but by Tuesday, she didn't need anything.

On Tuesday we went back to Children's to get the cast put on so that the wound could heal. It looked nasty, even all stitched up. But that's just mommy. Daddy said they did a good job. He should know.

So fast forward to today, Thursday. After a few days of Alabama heat, where it's too hot to be outside longer than 15 minutes without some kind of water activity.. things in my house are starting to get crazy. And we can't do water because Eva's cast can't get wet.

Then it just started going downhill.

-I went to pick up two towels on the floor in my living room only to realize that Alex brought his cup of milk over from breakfast (I have NO idea why, never done that before) and set it under the towels. So of course the milk spilled. Thankfully towels were handy.

-Eva had a near miss on a HUGE glass of water spilling over her cast, which I was warned not to let get wet... they put the fear of God in me. Apparently my daughter has a Gremlin cast and one drop will suck her arm into a wormhole and we won't ever be able to get it out. Never mind that they make waterproof casts. But I'm seeing that a lot of doctors don't like to let you in on all the options available for your treatment plan, they only suggest the option that's easiest for them.. because you are their last patient of the day and they just want to get home. Never mind that you just spent two hours waiting in a small little room waiting for them.

-I send the kids outside to play for that 15 minutes allowable by the heat index and then Eva comes in crying with blood because she put her ONE GOOD HAND inside the fan. Yes. IN the fan. Thankfully it was only a small flesh wound. No stitches necessary.

-Mommy needs a Valium at this point.

-The boys are fighting. Normal, but at this point, I'm done.

I decide to get out of the house and give them a new view and head to visit my SIL and her new baby. I thought it would be nice for the kids to play and I can fold some laundry for my SIL while she sits and cuddles her baby.

-After 15 minutes of being there I hear Jorge "MOMMMY, you need to come here quick!" I walk in to the playroom to see Eva sitting on her cousins (Kevin, 3) potty. No biggie, right? Well, except that she has taken off her underwear and shorts, which have poop in them and all over them, poop on her shoes, poop on the carpet, poop (in the shape of a toddler rear) on the red elmo chair, poop on her leg, and so much poop on her foot I think she actually stepped in the poop.

-I have to spend 30 minutes bathing my daughter and, what seems, most of the belongings in my SIL's house.

- Oh, and how do you get poop off of a cast you aren't supposed to get wet?

-I decide that it's probably best if we just head back home. As soon I get in the driveway, Eva falls down and gashes her knee.

I promise I'm not kidding.

I know my kids aren't out to get me. None of this was done to me. But I can assure you the thought has crossed my mind: "Now, tell me again why I wanted to do this?" oh and: "can we fast forward three years?" (and don't tell me I will want that time back. I get that. But it's hard while I'm in it).

Someone said we may need a padded room for Eva. I think I am the one that needs that room.

I'm hoping that tomorrow. . will be much better. IF I can make it through tonight.

it's the little things..

It's a frightening moment when, while folding laundry, there is a considerably LOW amount of clean underwear for two boys. It was obvious that they weren't changing underwear as much as I'd hoped.

My sister, does something that I thought I'd give a try: tell them to put on clean underwear at night when they put their pj's on. (and considering that most nights the underwear IS the pajama.. it makes sense).

Now I am happy to report that I am washing/folding a LOT more little boy underwear.

Also, I think I should note that my husband is a genius. I have long loathed the bed time routine only because of brushing teeth for the kids. I seemed to think time efficiency was the goal so I would round up all of them and get them to brush their teeth all at the same time. It would nearly put me over the edge. Everyone spitting on each other, water everywhere, mommy's feet getting stepped on..etc..

Then one night my husband was handling this routine and he was, GASP, bringing them in the bathroom one.at.a.time. GENIUS!! Why didn't I think of that??

I promise.. it's the little things that make all the difference..

You got any "little thing" ideas that seem to make life run more smoothly for you?

thankful for milestones..

I love when a milestone hits.

And I'm not talking about walking, talking or clapping.

I like the milestones that bring independence with them. Or that usher in a new calm in our house.

Take for instance the event pictured below. Imagine classical music (Vivaldi, to be exact) playing in the background. And complete silence (other than my man V).
My two older boys sitting happily on the floor drawing in their "dream journal" books. (Technically, it's just a book for them to draw in but they got that name from a movie they've seen.)

I also noticed, after the shot was taken, that they are both sitting the same way. One right handed the other, left.

It's a neat milestone that I thought would never come when they were 3 and 2 and screaming like banshee's all over my house. And just the thought of them sitting still to color was sheer torture.

Alas, one more thing that older moms told me would happen in time.. and it's happening.

Just in time for the younger two to scream like banshee's in my house.

Oy.

the magic walls in my house..

My sister doesn't believe me. She thinks that if i just kept my kids from napping for, I dunno, 10 days.. then they would sleep in later. Well, the TRUTH is.. my house has magic walls. It matters not what we did that day, if they had a nap or not, my kids (or one of them) will wake up at the 5:45-6:15 range. The only time that my children sleep past 7 a.m is when they are babies. And even then they wake up in the wee hours of the morning, nurse and then go back to sleep.

Here you see Alex, up and playing with his Army men by 6 a.m.



even though it's early, it is still cute.

a little bit.

What time do your kids wake up?

He needs attention.. obviously.

Look at that face, will ya? I mean seriously, how do you ignore a face like that? It's impossible. Especially when that face is now trying to rival his big sister's "Dennis the menace" mentality of life.

I snapped this picture and almost missed his guilty expression. Did you notice what he was doing? Taking the cover off the AC vent. Of course, he got a "no no" from mommy, thus the look. Adorable.

This is the outcome of me trying to unload the dishwasher with Isaac anywhere near the kitchen. Yup, he's trying to stand on his head.

But don't worry.. she will.not.be.outdone.

{sigh}.. i stay busy. no?

yes.

Operation Organize

So, when your house has been on the market for a year, you may decide it's time to adjust to the reality: you WILL be living in your "small/cozy" house indefinitely.

In that case.. it's time to make some MAJOR adjustments.

FUNCTIONAL organizing.

That simply means that we must forgo the "pretty" for the "functional" to maximize space in our precious little 1300 sq. ft home. My hubby and I are taking one room at a time. Starting with the living room and dining room. We will be getting our pictures back on the wall (you know, because realtor's suggest you take personal stuff down) and if someone wants to buy our house.. they will have to buy it having looked at only my kids faces on the walls.

I just got back from Target with my first organizational purchase: two of these..

and I will be sure to post a before and after picture. In fact, I will post pics of all our progress.

I am thankful to be able to finally feel like we aren't in limbo. And part of loving a house is making it your own.. so that is what we are going to do (again). This time, even better. Maximizing our space. Think NYC loft! haha.

Well, I better go.. laundry won't fold itself.

(but it sure does sit in the basket for days just fine).

Parenting Tips Numero 3.

You can read my first and second installment if you'd like..

Without further ado...

It's best not to give your baby an Oreo. They probably won't like it very much.

Enter your child into rehab as soon as you see the hoarder tendencies.


Be prepared: letting your child choose their style.. well, it can backfire.

DO NOT let your child sit on tables.

If you are at all concerned about driving with a toddler in your lap. Maybe it would be better just to let them drive by themselves.

It's best to let them work out their own issues.

I personally believe that emptying the case of wipes is a good way to learn counting.

When trying to cook dinner, it's best to keep the little ones busy.

I can't say it enough: HYDRATE your children.

I think it's never too early to teach your children what to do if they encounter someone who isn't willing to share their toys.

Finally, I think it's best to enable your families' compulsive tendencies when they come to visit. Therefore deeming it socially acceptable to let your sister steam clean your toilet upon visiting.

Now time to make your own post and let me know the link so that I can get a chuckle.

Adios.

ahhh.. letting out some steam...

So I bought a hand held steamer (was that what you were thinking I was talking about??)..

And it is awesome!! My sister, Mishka, told me about all the stuff she was able to clean with hers, so I had to try it out.

It makes cleaning so much easier.

In order to show you, I have to be transparent. So, don't judge..

(I did forget to get a picture of the bigger job I tackled in my fridge). Something had spilled and gotten underneath the crisper's and it was there for a while. Had I tried to clean it with soap and water, I would have been there a while. But the steamer took care of it in under a minute. Loosened it right up.

But don't loose heart. I still had more disgusting ick inside the actual crisper's.

Apparently some onion peel got stuck in something very sticky. (i have no clue). It would take a lot of elbow grease to scrape that stuff off.

But after my steamer.. it was nice and clean. And it took about less than a minute to loosen the junk.. Nice and clean.

However, the main reason I bought it was to try it out on my hall bathroom. The one used by two boys (ages 5 & 4). It smells like a public bathroom in there because they have probably peed on every part of that toilet beside in the water. Sooo those hard to reach places are going to be easy targets with my new steamer. And with no chemicals because the heat of the water also disinfects. ;-)

So i'll try to remember to document that one. Im sure it will be a lovely sight.

adios.

Single Folks.. eat your heart out!

Singles think they have all the fun.. Well let me ask you, single friend:

What do you do on a Saturday night?

Go out to eat? pshhh.. boring.

Get a pedicure? hmm. typical.

Hang out with other adults? zzzzzzzzzzz.

Well, I'm here to tell ya: Parents have MORE FUN!
Yep! That's right. See, you could be washing out your son's bedding with a hose in your front yard after he's thrown up, what looks to be three days worth of food, at 9:30 at night.

Smashing good fun!

Then you could watch old episodes of The Office on Netflix while he sleeps on the couch while you are on "future throw up" ALERT.

Jealous yet?

If not, how does being home bound sound? Not having a car whilst trapped, er, umm.. at home with your four kids.
Yep. You may not be able to tell but there is HUGE black spot on my driveway under my van (notice the oil on the actual door of the car? don't ask me how that happened). Needless to say, my van is in the shop and I am trying to remain hopeful as to how much dinero it will cost and when I will actually escape, I mean, leave the house again.

Until then, my single friends..

don't hate.

Run AWAY!!!

SICKNESS!!!

It has run through our house. Jorge threw up. Eva had diarrhea and now this is day two in the life of sick Alex. He was out because of a fever yesterday. And then today: fever AND he threw up. In my bed.

When i texted my husband to tell him that Alex threw up in our bed he replied: "which side? yours or mine. haha. sorry."

Well it was my side. But i forgive him.

I mean look at that pitiful face...

Crackers. Water bottle. And the big green throw up bowl.

Which has doubled as a popcorn bowl at times.

Sorry.

That is gross.

It's life in survival mode..

Yes, that is my daughter sitting on our table. While "playing Uno" with her brother. As you can see, I was productive in folding laundry. It just sat there for half the day before it got put up. I love that I also made sure not to cover the part of the table where their seats are so that I could have more flexibility to leave the clothes there. Yes friends, that was premeditated procrastination. Score!

It's amazing what happens the more kids you throw in the mix. I could care less that Eva was playing cards while sitting on the table. It was cute. And I grabbed my camera to capture it. And i also cared less that my laundry sat on the table for most of the day. I was just impressed it got folded (nevermind, it sat in the laundry room for two days). Ahh.. being overwhelmed.. it's allows you to relax a bit on all your "rules."

It's amazing when I think about how stressed I used to get over little things. Now I know Im outnumbered and I've stopped trying to keep everything in order. There.is.no.way. So here is to just keeping my head above water. ;-P

She always gets into something..

It seems that life with a 2 year old (as if i haven't done this a few times to know by now) is more about keeping them busy, lest they destroy your house or themselves. But anything I give her to do.. well she pours herself into.. literally.

What started as a "clean the table" assignment (with soap)..

turned into.. a taste test (yes, it was a NEW sponge, thankfully).

Daddy came home just in time. She was happy to show him her handiwork.

Is there any more water left in the bucket not already on her?

And then there is that whole "doing school with her older brother" thing. She was supposed to be (and was when I last checked on her) "reading books" and playing with her baby doll. I came when i heard the rustling of some kind of paper.. turns out, it was the bag of Wipey's. And yes, she had pulled out what was left in the bag and laid them out perfectly on the couch.

(i love her "what" look)

Then this morning my sister in Montgomery, who we visited yesterday, sends me this message:

"Eva strikes again, couldn't figure out why the radio was making such a funny noise last night and when Mark turned it upside down water came out, I knew she looked a little guilty when she came out of Levi's room"

Oy.

As they say:

she better be glad she's cute!

Cut me some slack.. i have young children.

I remember being a teenager and thinking that moms in their 30's were, well, out of touch. Out of touch with reality, culture and anyone not inside their head. I remember thinking how you must not have much on the inside of your head as a mom.

Turns out, I was right!

As a mom in my thirties, I can say with complete confidence that my middle name is "Scatterbrain."

I long felt that moms needed to get a life, but it turns out: ya can't! Not happenin'. And not for some time.

Most people have compassion for "young" moms. I think that is the classification if you are in your 20's and have small children. I mean, c'mon, 20's are like babe years. But what about having some compassion for the mom in her thirties, that has "young" children? Don't count us out, please. I often feel like I need to wear a shirt, sticker, or neon sign that says, "BECAUSE I HAVE YOUNG CHILDREN ____________" (fill in the blank or vice versa). Here let me help you:

*I can't pee in a bathroom by myself because I have young children.

*I put the phone in the refrigerator because I have young children.

*I get water dumped in my lap at a movie theater because I have young children.

*I forget to take my insulin for days because I have young children.

*I pull out of my driveway while talking on my home phone because I have young children.

*I can't stick to my exercise plan because I have young children.

*By the end of any given day I do not want ANYONE to touch me because I have young children.

*I wipe poop off of humans because I have young children.

*I cry over spilt milk because I have young children.

*I wish to take a nap everyday because I have young children.

*I don't care that the baby is eating eggs off the floor from breakfast, because I have young children.

*I don't care what tweeny bopper is dating which tweeny bopper because I have young children.

*I don't care about the label on my clothes or my children's clothes' because I have young children.

*I forget to call you back, send that email or know you exist because I have young children.

*I want a vacation because I have young children.

*I totally flub adult conversations because I have young children.

So, while not an exhaustive list, this is a starter. So please, cut us some slack. We ARE smarter than we appear. We will not always be in this phase. But know.. we are awesome. We just... have young children.

Feel free to add your own in my comments. :-)

and I thought this day would never come..

She put on her own SOCKS and SHOES.

She was quite happy with her work.

In fact, in the past few weeks I have required more "hands on " help from my kids.

-Jorge and Alex now put their own clothes away (after I fold them).

-Jorge unloads the dishwasher (minus the knives) and places all the dishes on the counter and I put them away (except, he puts away the silverware).

-they are bringing me their dirty clothes hamper (it's the little things) when its time to do laundry.

-they put their own dishes away after dinner and help clear the table.

I know im forgetting stuff.. but I am certainly enjoying having some independent, semi-self sufficient helpers around.

And here I thought this day would never come.

what are some of the "helper" things your kids do in your house??

Controlling? Who Me?

Last night at our accountability group (of sorts).. we talked about relationships that rub us. And also areas that we try to control: areas of other peoples lives.

Moms: please don't confuse this with keeping our kids out of harm. Keeping them from certain consequences is helpful to them (protecting them from the pan on the stove).

The control I am learning about is areas that I try to "do" for my kids because I want them to "do" according to my expectation. Some of it is age appropriate and some is not. Lemme bust out an example for me in my season.

Behold....

My older boys' dresser. Jorge has the top two (big) drawers and Alex, the bottom two. I even put little cards to show who's was who's and which was for shirts and which for pants. I fold laundry, but the boys are responsible to put it in their drawers. Jorge is 5 and Alex is 4.

Once they are are in the drawer they magically turn into the picture above. A disheveled mess. This rubs me. I want to go in there and fold it again. But why? For appearances sake. But guess what? I can live in that tension that it's not going to look the way I want it too. The boys are, at this age, doing what they can. Folding, neatness and order are foreign concepts to them. Just getting them to be helpers putting it away is lesson enough. For now.

I did open their drawer to take the pic. Otherwise I do ask that they actually keep the drawers closed (which means the clothes have to actually be inside, folded or not).

But they do NOT have to be concerned with my level of expectation.. for now.

What about you? what are areas/relationships that rub you..that you realize are not for you to control?

Oh happy Monday..

We did not go anywhere today.. (also because Eva has a GI something and Isaac is recovering from a cold).

The kids had fun playing today. For the most part, they played well. We even got some school done today.

Who knew that I wouldn't have lost my mind by the end of a day with sick littles and having been inside all day.

Quote of the day was when my husband called on his way home from work and asked if I wanted him to pick up dinner on his way home. I replied: "Nah, I'm good. I'm just going to do some easy tostadas for dinner." He said, "oh well, I heard a couple of kids crying and wasn't sure." Then I said, "Oh that's totally normal.. the kids crying. Its when you hear me crying, then yes, please bring dinner."

haha. I love my humor.

Parenting Tips Numero 2.

Almost two years ago I posted about parenting tips (read here). I had so much fun looking through that post that I decided to do another one. Because quite honestly, you can glean a lot in two years (and two more kids).

So, here ya go.

When homeschooling and behind on school work. It's best not to slack off on reading. Find anytime to take the opportunity to read.

Do not allow your children to torment the other. Nor take pictures of it.

Don't allow your children to eat their food with their fingers. Thats just gross.

It's best not to let the children dress themselves for bedtime. Yes. Bed time.

Don't let your kids play "guns."

Always bring a change of clothes for the baby. Or an older siblings' extra fleece pull over.

If you must have your child around explosives.. keep them at a safe distance.

Please teach your child to be reverent at church. Please.

Keep believing that your baby has no ill will against you. ever.

That's it.

Now your turn. Please.

Post your blog post in my comments so that I can have fun reading it.