..but I still don't like "play dates."

I truly think I may be the only mom on the planet that doesn't like the "play date."

You know, the "fun" time where (in a perfect world) your kids play happily with your friends' kids so that you can have uninterrupted mommy talk time?

Exactly. In a perfect world. Or maybe with kids who are compliant and don't try to use the equipment as a way to cause heart palpitations to their dear old mom.

((Now before you go all, "well if they were trained..", on me. That applies to your family. Not to mine)).

Back to what I was saying. What was I saying? Oh, yes. Play dates. I remember the first time I went on a playdate when I had two small kids. Thankfully back then it consisted of destroying my friends house (because it was indoors) but we all pitched in to clean everything up. Granted, I was clued in pretty early that while we (mommy's) could speak as we pleased, we couldn't hear a daggum thing over all the shrills.

Fast forward to four kids and, while two are older, I still have two smaller ones that I have to chase around the park. And generally we end up at some darn park without a fence. You know, prison containment for my kids that are not compliant. But most of all it's the fact that I will have 50% that want to wander and explore (again, perfectly fine) except that the other 50% want to stay and do death defying stunts on the playground. So hmmm... which one do I oversee? All the while, the other mom is standing there probably wondering why I'm not talking to her very much.

I can't handle it. Oh I can handle my children at a park. I just can't handle the idea that somehow I am supposed to carry on a conversation beyond: "Eva, you fell of the merry go round because you were dangling your, eh hem, booty out in the air," "Isaac, stop trying to eat the bark. BLAH" "Jorge and Alex, stop climbing on the outside of the tube slide. Seriously."

So when it's just us. I enjoy it. I know, it makes me anti-social. But I've been told I will enjoy play dates again one day, but that seems absurd to me because by the time that happens I've also heard it's hard to get teenagers to go hop on the playground equipment.

Here are some pics of our park day today. (yes, it was not a play date. Even though I invited other mommies to go. No one could come on such late notice).

Exploring for cool sticks.

My favorite "equipment" for them to climb on.

Their faces seem a bit upset that we aren't eating with friends.

What are your thoughts on Play dates? And is it one word or two?

Why I quit blogging..

It's been 5 months since I last wrote on my personal blog. And while I tried to give a small hint as to the changes I've experienced, I had not given much explanation as to why those changes prompted my exodus from the blog world.

You see, I struggled with feelings of insecurity and rejection and the best way for me to feel immediate relief was for the World Wide Web to give me a stroke to my ego. Granted, I did not always realize this was going on, but alas, it was. The symptoms that presented were (but not limited to) inflammation of the truth, of my world. I wanted to get a pat on the back so I would write a post, show a picture or gush about how wonderful my life, kids, family was (this also applies to Facebook posts). These things in and of themselves are not negative. But when this was the only thing you ever saw, you may tend to think that I am either perfect, or living some kind of dream life where my kids obey 90% of the time and I rarely raise my voice.. I mean, why would I have to with the perfect kids and all?

What's lacking in the posts and pictures is the back story or the immediate after story. Let me give you some examples. There is the perfect caption and then the reality. But rarely is the reality ever shared.. because I just wanted you to focus on the positive. Heck, I did too. While I may not have captioned these pictures exactly like they are below, the truth of my point still stands: sometimes people present only a portion of their reality.

*Exhibit A.

Caption: "I am so proud to be home all day and school these adorable children who are so creative and do nothing but sit at this table with a sincere reverence for me." (okay, a little dramatic.. but you get my point).

Reality: While I didn't stage the shot, as soon as I hit send on sharing with facebook the older two started fighting about who had done a better job on their work. Eva walked over and drew on Isaac's paper and he started screaming. It wasn't quiet and serene any more.. and certainly not reverent.

Exhibit B:

Caption: "I love that my children enjoy being so close to each other. They are so happy together. They are watching a movie that they NEVER EVER EVER get to do because we don't like that big ugly box, unless it's absolutely necessary.. like I'm sick or they are sick or something EXTREMELY RARE like that."

Reality: This is probably the third day that they had watched t.v. and not because it's educational. Nope. They are zombies. They are sitting next to each other because the magic machine is playing happy images that will do nothing for their educational achievement. Oh and no one was sick. I was probably just trying to keep my head above water with laundry or house work.

Exhibit C:

Caption: "I am so excited that I just made this incredibly healthy meal for my entire family. Look at the effort it took.. but it's worth it to eat healthy. I mean please know how much I value eating healthy and know that my kids LOVE it."

Reality: I won't tell you how many times I eat fast food in a week. And I certainly wont talk about the extra weight I have because you might deduce that all my habits aren't as healthy as I'm letting on. Gracious, don't even get me started that Broccoli is the ONLY green thing my kids will eat and THAT is only because of the movie "Mars needs moms" that got them on the idea that it was "cool."

Exhibit D:

Caption: "I love being home so that I can keep my house clean. Like, all the time. I just love being able to have a clean house."

Reality: This was taken while our house was on the market. I only kept it this clean for the first few weeks. Then I realized that if someone wanted to buy the darn house they would have to buy it in it's current state and I certainly wouldn't break my back with four small kids trying to keep it spotless. I guess I should also mention we never sold it. But we are happy to still be in it.

I think you may be getting my point. For so long in my life, I was so hungry for affirmation and acceptance that I would shudder at the thought of telling you my parenting failures or my marriage mistakes but now I long for it. When I post a picture on facebook (or a status update) I have to ask myself: Is this presenting the reality? Or, am I only sharing the positive I see? Now I like to share pictures of what's really going on on any given day. Mostly to remind myself not to take myself so seriously. And honestly, to help those around me realize that it's okay to be honest. But it starts with yourself.

I don't know.. maybe, just maybe I will return to blogging. It may not be as often but I can assure you that it will be balanced. ;-)

it's the little things..

It's a frightening moment when, while folding laundry, there is a considerably LOW amount of clean underwear for two boys. It was obvious that they weren't changing underwear as much as I'd hoped.

My sister, does something that I thought I'd give a try: tell them to put on clean underwear at night when they put their pj's on. (and considering that most nights the underwear IS the pajama.. it makes sense).

Now I am happy to report that I am washing/folding a LOT more little boy underwear.

Also, I think I should note that my husband is a genius. I have long loathed the bed time routine only because of brushing teeth for the kids. I seemed to think time efficiency was the goal so I would round up all of them and get them to brush their teeth all at the same time. It would nearly put me over the edge. Everyone spitting on each other, water everywhere, mommy's feet getting stepped on..etc..

Then one night my husband was handling this routine and he was, GASP, bringing them in the bathroom one.at.a.time. GENIUS!! Why didn't I think of that??

I promise.. it's the little things that make all the difference..

You got any "little thing" ideas that seem to make life run more smoothly for you?

Friday Fun Facts

1. I don't drink coffee.

2. I often forget to call people back. And I rarely check my voicemail.

3. I just figured out that "spot mopping" is waaaaay more practical than "real" mopping.

4. I haven't eaten Taco Bell in almost three months.

5. #4 is a BIG deal because I used to go about 2-3 times a week. wow.

6. I've lost my inspiration to take pictures. I think it has something to do with the heat. Yup, Im pretty sure that's it. This Alabama heat is not nice.

7. My waiter bought me a drink last night while out with some girlfriends. It was a non-alcholic drink because I was telling him that alcohol makes me get a headache (can you say "lightweight?"). My friends were enjoying some 'rita's and I was drinking a diet coke. I guess he wanted me to "look" like I was enjoying myself a little more. ha! (although, I was the one laughing the loudest.. but that's just me).

8. I seriously need to clean my house. but the fact that we have gone somewhere every day this week has kept cleaning from happening. The plan is to stay home next week to potty train miss Eva. Again. But for real this time.

9. I am doubting my ability to potty train another child.

10. I loathe potty training. LOATHE.

Happy Friday everyone!

thankful for milestones..

I love when a milestone hits.

And I'm not talking about walking, talking or clapping.

I like the milestones that bring independence with them. Or that usher in a new calm in our house.

Take for instance the event pictured below. Imagine classical music (Vivaldi, to be exact) playing in the background. And complete silence (other than my man V).
My two older boys sitting happily on the floor drawing in their "dream journal" books. (Technically, it's just a book for them to draw in but they got that name from a movie they've seen.)

I also noticed, after the shot was taken, that they are both sitting the same way. One right handed the other, left.

It's a neat milestone that I thought would never come when they were 3 and 2 and screaming like banshee's all over my house. And just the thought of them sitting still to color was sheer torture.

Alas, one more thing that older moms told me would happen in time.. and it's happening.

Just in time for the younger two to scream like banshee's in my house.

Oy.

the SCREAM heard around the block..

So my nephew is here for the week to attend VBS with his cousins (if he doesn't get severe homesick"ness" before Friday).

Anyhoo, my older three, plus Levi (and my niece, Nataly) were all playing outside. I was mopping the floors. Then I hear my nephew say in a very sweet voice, "Aunt Rachel.. can you come here?"

I walked to the laundry room and he was holding a red bin (used in the school room, btw). I peek in, fully anticipating a small insect. Instead I see this:

And yes, I screamed. In shock. Horror, even. Of course, my kids laughed at my screaming.. but I only hoped it would instill fear into them until we could identify this freak of nature.

While they were happy to inspect the bug.. I was wishing I had a macro lens.. to allow me to be even further away from the monstrosity.

You see, growing up I had NO desire to even look at bugs.. so I had no clue as to what kind it was.. but I quickly sent a picture to mom, dad and my brother Paul. All three texting back that it looked like a "stag beetle."

To make matters worse.. she would not leave "it" alone. She kept wanting to "pet"it. Ewww.

I promptly called my sister and said she could come pick up her son (an hour away), who would be sitting on the porch.. with his new pet.

Parenting Tips Numero 3.

You can read my first and second installment if you'd like..

Without further ado...

It's best not to give your baby an Oreo. They probably won't like it very much.

Enter your child into rehab as soon as you see the hoarder tendencies.


Be prepared: letting your child choose their style.. well, it can backfire.

DO NOT let your child sit on tables.

If you are at all concerned about driving with a toddler in your lap. Maybe it would be better just to let them drive by themselves.

It's best to let them work out their own issues.

I personally believe that emptying the case of wipes is a good way to learn counting.

When trying to cook dinner, it's best to keep the little ones busy.

I can't say it enough: HYDRATE your children.

I think it's never too early to teach your children what to do if they encounter someone who isn't willing to share their toys.

Finally, I think it's best to enable your families' compulsive tendencies when they come to visit. Therefore deeming it socially acceptable to let your sister steam clean your toilet upon visiting.

Now time to make your own post and let me know the link so that I can get a chuckle.

Adios.

ahhh.. letting out some steam...

So I bought a hand held steamer (was that what you were thinking I was talking about??)..

And it is awesome!! My sister, Mishka, told me about all the stuff she was able to clean with hers, so I had to try it out.

It makes cleaning so much easier.

In order to show you, I have to be transparent. So, don't judge..

(I did forget to get a picture of the bigger job I tackled in my fridge). Something had spilled and gotten underneath the crisper's and it was there for a while. Had I tried to clean it with soap and water, I would have been there a while. But the steamer took care of it in under a minute. Loosened it right up.

But don't loose heart. I still had more disgusting ick inside the actual crisper's.

Apparently some onion peel got stuck in something very sticky. (i have no clue). It would take a lot of elbow grease to scrape that stuff off.

But after my steamer.. it was nice and clean. And it took about less than a minute to loosen the junk.. Nice and clean.

However, the main reason I bought it was to try it out on my hall bathroom. The one used by two boys (ages 5 & 4). It smells like a public bathroom in there because they have probably peed on every part of that toilet beside in the water. Sooo those hard to reach places are going to be easy targets with my new steamer. And with no chemicals because the heat of the water also disinfects. ;-)

So i'll try to remember to document that one. Im sure it will be a lovely sight.

adios.

Single Folks.. eat your heart out!

Singles think they have all the fun.. Well let me ask you, single friend:

What do you do on a Saturday night?

Go out to eat? pshhh.. boring.

Get a pedicure? hmm. typical.

Hang out with other adults? zzzzzzzzzzz.

Well, I'm here to tell ya: Parents have MORE FUN!
Yep! That's right. See, you could be washing out your son's bedding with a hose in your front yard after he's thrown up, what looks to be three days worth of food, at 9:30 at night.

Smashing good fun!

Then you could watch old episodes of The Office on Netflix while he sleeps on the couch while you are on "future throw up" ALERT.

Jealous yet?

If not, how does being home bound sound? Not having a car whilst trapped, er, umm.. at home with your four kids.
Yep. You may not be able to tell but there is HUGE black spot on my driveway under my van (notice the oil on the actual door of the car? don't ask me how that happened). Needless to say, my van is in the shop and I am trying to remain hopeful as to how much dinero it will cost and when I will actually escape, I mean, leave the house again.

Until then, my single friends..

don't hate.

Are all those your kids?

I have four. F.O.U.R kids. That is not a lot (in my mind). Especially considering that I have friends with 5, 6 or 7 kids.

But I do "get it" that them being so close in age, and all under 5, it looks like a circus when we go out..but I seriously don't get some people's reactions.

For instance, yesterday at Walmart. A man in his late sixties (my guess) was with his wife. She and I were both rummaging through the packaged meats when he decides to go for it.

him: "All those your kids?" (strong southern accent).
me: "Yup."
him: with a chuckle, "you guys aint figured out what causes that?"
me: never looking up from the meats, "Well, actually yes. And we like it very much."
him: an embarrassed chuckle, "well.. uh.. i guess you would."

(I should note that his wife, after I said that we liked it, gave him a death stare).

And I should forewarn everyone.. if you decide to ask me about my sex life.. I will answer you. Gone are the days of politely ignoring you. I will engage your desire to find out about my sex life and reproductive tendencies.

Galaxar out.

in which I stir the pot of controversy..parenting edition.

I haven't rocked the boat in a while. I've kept my posts very mellow and non-hot button issue-ish.

Until now.

I know I am going to get a debate going over here.. but I can no longer.hold.it.in.

What do you think of when you see this?:

There seems to be two types of momma's out there. The kind that sees this as an opportunity to teach your child conformity to rules and absolutes and the mom that could give a rip and just says, "have at it. Just don't destroy the equipment."

I betcha aren't sure which one I camp in.

Ya see, there is no sign on that equipment. Contrary to the ones at Chickfila that say "NO CLIMBING." the equipment above is meant to be climbed on. However, I'm sure not every child is like mine (or my sisters' since hers were doing it too) and will climb on the outside of that slide or traverse the outside of the bars on the walkway.

But I ran into a mom that was of the first mindset and yelled out in the direction of my child but supposedly to her child (who wasn't climbing on the outside), "yeah, and play on the equipment the way it's meant to be played on."

Please, dear mom, tell me what that looks like.

Here is my thing.. i understand the philosophy behind "up the stairs down the slide." I used to preach it all.the.time.. until my boys reached three years old. And I realized that they wanted the challenge of climbing up that slide. Heck, I realized i used to do that too.. remember these?:

I used to have a field day going up those things. And trying not to get burned, btw. But I don't allow my kids to do it when someone else wants a turn going down the slide. So there are some restrictions that apply. But I don't hold the overall philosophy that these things are NOT meant to be played on that way. Like it's some kind of kid code. Otherwise, as my sister so eloquently pointed out, "then no kid would ever climb a tree." Then I argued that those that hold the first opinion about the play equipment likely aren't too comfortable with their kids climbing a tree. But that may be too much of a generalization that isn't true. But if its not, then please tell me why the tree is okay but not the slide.

Anyway, here is my point. I think there is a whole parenting philosophy to be discussed here. I am all for rules. I don't let my children climb on the CFA equipment, well, because there is a sign saying not to.

But barring destroying property.. I allow my children to climb on playground equipment. And yes, I do intervene if they are about to hurt someone.

I don't know where you stand on the issue.. but I am fine with my children climbing. And if you are not comfortable with it, maybe you can adopt the motto we have in our family: "Others may, you may not."

that is all.

feel free to express your opinion. ;-P

Cut me some slack.. i have young children.

I remember being a teenager and thinking that moms in their 30's were, well, out of touch. Out of touch with reality, culture and anyone not inside their head. I remember thinking how you must not have much on the inside of your head as a mom.

Turns out, I was right!

As a mom in my thirties, I can say with complete confidence that my middle name is "Scatterbrain."

I long felt that moms needed to get a life, but it turns out: ya can't! Not happenin'. And not for some time.

Most people have compassion for "young" moms. I think that is the classification if you are in your 20's and have small children. I mean, c'mon, 20's are like babe years. But what about having some compassion for the mom in her thirties, that has "young" children? Don't count us out, please. I often feel like I need to wear a shirt, sticker, or neon sign that says, "BECAUSE I HAVE YOUNG CHILDREN ____________" (fill in the blank or vice versa). Here let me help you:

*I can't pee in a bathroom by myself because I have young children.

*I put the phone in the refrigerator because I have young children.

*I get water dumped in my lap at a movie theater because I have young children.

*I forget to take my insulin for days because I have young children.

*I pull out of my driveway while talking on my home phone because I have young children.

*I can't stick to my exercise plan because I have young children.

*By the end of any given day I do not want ANYONE to touch me because I have young children.

*I wipe poop off of humans because I have young children.

*I cry over spilt milk because I have young children.

*I wish to take a nap everyday because I have young children.

*I don't care that the baby is eating eggs off the floor from breakfast, because I have young children.

*I don't care what tweeny bopper is dating which tweeny bopper because I have young children.

*I don't care about the label on my clothes or my children's clothes' because I have young children.

*I forget to call you back, send that email or know you exist because I have young children.

*I want a vacation because I have young children.

*I totally flub adult conversations because I have young children.

So, while not an exhaustive list, this is a starter. So please, cut us some slack. We ARE smarter than we appear. We will not always be in this phase. But know.. we are awesome. We just... have young children.

Feel free to add your own in my comments. :-)

Bye bye LONG hair.

Bye Bye LONG hair...

Heeeeelllooo easy.

He likes it. I promise. Even though he didn't notice until I told him. Eh boys.

Whatcha think??

Hobbits..

I don't know why.. but this cracks me up. I think because their legs look so long..

SAHM meets BPWNET...

Stay at home mom meets Big Passion With Not Enough Time..

Original, I know.

I have a huge passion for being a doula. A door that opened in ways and in a time in my life that is hard to comprehend sometimes.

I also have a major passion for being a stay at home mom.

I am having to learn it's okay to love both. But only one trumps the other. (thankfully, God is working out the kinks). And I know there will always be births. But there will not always be these years with my kids.

Not trying to compare the two. Just trying to allow myself the freedom to enjoy the doula work, but to also not let it consume me right now.

Make sense? No?

Didn't expect it to.. just thinking out loud.

Night. ;-P

I know better.. and for that, I feel badly..

Ever have one of those times where you said something "helpful" with the full intent of it being perceived as loving, nurturing concern?

only it probably didn't come across that way?

Let me set the stage for you.

My precious family of six were at the park. I was watching Eva play with another little girl her age and noticed that the little girls' mom was sitting down next to a baby car seat. Assuming there was a "new" baby in it (I saw little bity toes peeking out from under a blanket) I asked "how old is your baby?"

The mother, very sheepishly said, "ehem.. 4 days old."

"Four days??!!" I asked. "Four days? Well, you don't know the rule do you?"

"What rule?" she asked. I'm sure very excited to hear my OPINION. (I know, right?? geez).

"Queen for a week. Princess for two weeks. A queen dictates from the bed. A princess, from the couch." I replied.

"Well I've just been in the bed for so long I had to get out," she said.

Okay friends.. I wish I could, at that point, or should have, gone on and on about how cute her baby was. That's what I (the RANDOM stranger) should've done. But my "momma bear/psycho doula" persona came out instead. She then said, "well, it's just that I had to have a c-section and I'm not allowed to do as much so i needed to get out. But I actually feel much better than I did after my daughter was born."

Okay here is where I stepped over the line completely. Poor momma, I said "C-section. You are out 4 days post-partum after major abdominal surgery?? well, you feel fine. . while medicated??"

GASP! did you just suck all the air out of the room? Or did your mouth just fly open? Mine did just typing it.

What I was trying to say was.. if you are on pain meds it can mask what is actually happening to your body. If you want to know how well you're healing.. stop taking them and see what happens. But here is the kicker.. she didn't ASK for my opinion.

I had become, in that moment, the annoying know-it-all that fails to understand "unasked for advice is the same as criticism."

So, dear sweet new momma that I unintentionally bulldozed at the park.. I should know your name, but i was more concerned with being your mommy/conscience that I didn't ask, please forgive me. If I could go back, I would just say how precious your baby was and wish you a speedy recovery...

not at the park.

(look, I'm a slow learner).