I should be napping..

its 4 o'clock on Sunday and we just got home.. the kids are in bed and the hubby is mowing the grass.. I should be napping. In fact, I am sure I will. But seeing that I just got my computer back yesterday I was anxious to get back on the blog map. I am officially back. A lot happened in that short absense from the world of no computer (i.e-no internet)..

1. The Terrys- my adopted family.. offically adopted me on Wednesday October 17th. I didn't change my name but I am officially part of the family.. well I should say, legally.
2. Jim Terry's (dad) mom was hospitalized on Sunday night (last) and passed away on Tuesday evening. We had the funeral on Friday. Margaret Terry was 82 and had been married for 61 years!! Wow!
3. I realized how "addictive" the internet is.
4. I realized how much I enjoy the world of gab...blogging.

Well.. I promise to answer the question about the topic of my book.. but I really need to rest. I will write a new post for that description. I always get nervous when I get to explain my book. Are you suprised?

okay well I am hoping to nap now.. but I'm sure I'll be blog hopping to see whats been going on with everyone! Kinda sounded like bar hopping... huh.

No computer

FYI.. my computer is being worked on at the apple store and shouldn't be back until saturday. this is killing me! ha!

Has this happened to you??

Have you ever been at Chickfila when you hear your 2 year old giggle as he comes down the playset stairs only too see that he is BUCK NAKED??

Just wondering??

I should also add that the only reason that my two year old did this was because his cousin, Levi, did it first. We are convinced of this. Because they both came down at the same time, naked (well their shirts were still on) and Levi has been naked at home as part of a potty training effort by my sister. So we are sure that he decided to bear it all and then my son, the follower, followed suit. Or no suit.. ha ha..im so witty. At least in my head. Just thought you should know that my little man isn't coming up with this stuff on his own..at least not yet.

Seriously??!! I dare you to tell me God isn't in charge!

Okay.. So as i mentioned briefly in my last blog I am wrting a book. Well I started and finished it four years ago. And by finish, I mean that I knew I had to edit it and then I would have a final draft. Then our old computer crashed two years ago and I lost everything, except pictures, including my book. However, I did have one hard copy that was in a filing cabinet. Flash forward two years to this week. I pulled it out, after the prompting from the Lord, to retype it into our current computer and then work on making revisions..since its been four years since I wrote it and a lot has happened in that time that lends experience to the book.

So last night I went on a date with my hubby and gushed at how neat it was to see that, although I liked the content of my book as is, I was excited to see how the Lord put it on hold so that I could pick it up again when I had gone through more life experiences and then be able to have an added perspective to revise it with. (wow that was a long sentence)

So Im sitting in my room thirty minutes ago and my phone rings. Who is it, you ask? None other than Wine Press Publishing calling to check on the status of my book. Now I had talked to them four years ago after I posted a synopsis of my book on a centralized website that authors use so that all publishers can peruse the books by subject, etc. They contacted me from that site, although my book was not finished. Here they call four years later the week that I pick it back up.. now, tell me thats not a God ordained call.

Now Wine Press is still a publishing company that I would have to pay to have it published, but they are responsible to market it, stock it in stores and sell it online. And I get all funds made from the book, not just royalties. Most unpublished, first time authors, have to go this route. Although, I am still praying that my book would be picked up by a "major" publisher. only so I don't have to fork out the money upfront. Since Im not writing to get money, it would still me nice not to have to pay that initial cost. Anyway.. i was just so floored by the "random" call that I had to share with you my excitement. Please pray for the Lord's will.. which I hope is for this book to get published, either through this company or another one.

Adios!

Just Dreaming.....

Okay.. I already have my #1 dream job: wife and mother. But when asked the question: "if you could do any "job" and you had the time and the money to do it, what would it be?" without hesitation they are as follows, but not in any order of importance.

1. CIA agent/ Intel- okay that sounds cooky but its true. I would love, love, love to get a criminal justice degree and then join the CIA. Thus, why I love all movies CIA related (Bourne movies..all time fav's).

2. Counseling/Public speaker- I hope to one day do this when I can actually commit to the year long, once a week, committment at Briarwood for their lay counseling training. As far as speaking.. i know that one is going to take a while. I am in the process, five years so far, of writing my first book. Its "finished" but is needing revision as we speak. Not ready to send it off to get bauched, i mean edited.

2. Finally, I want to be a doula. Okay. .Since the first day that I helped my sister, five years ago with her first child, I have wanted to be a doula. I was with her through all three of her births. Mainly because her husband has a very hard time seeing her in pain and can't handle it. So from the first "real" contraction I am right there coaching her, until in her case.. the epidural kicks in. then she is in sleepy town. But I love it! I don't want to be a midwife.. streching the perinium, checking vitals, fetal heart rate.. I don't want to have that responsibility.. I want to be the coach. And I am fully aware that my season in life doesn't allow for me to spend 16-18 hours with a first time mom during her labor process... however, I can start sitting in on labors, as my schedule permits, with a doula that is the one "responsible" for the full schedule. I can also research getting certified. I am so excited about it. I have wanted to do this for some time. I get so excited thinking that I could actually do it. I called a woman tonight who is certified in the B'ham area and she was going to call me back. In fact, i think she did, but I was spending time with my hubby so I will have to call her back tomorrow. Anyway, I can't wait to ask her questions about this process.

Well I thought I would share with you my excitement. Im researching it and I am pumped. That's it. Im going to bed.

Help with Video please

I have seen some people talk about a video reel on the new post menu bar. But I don't have one.. am i looking in the wrong place? Does anyone else have this problem? Feedback would be great!

Adios.

Theraputic writing

I actually think that writing is theraputic for me. Whether or not anyone reads it is unimportant..although it is a nice gesture. I realize that i have been a bit of a recluse this past week, but with me being a social addict its been very unusual for me. I thrive on using 3000 minutes a month on my cell phone (we don't have a home phone) *me trying to justify how I can talk on average of 100 minutes a day! Anyhoo.. I have gotten so many well wishes via email, facebook, myspace and the blog (notice all my social outlets) but I have not had the desire to respond, until now. Every time I have read one it has truly encouraged me. Some of you just "dropping by" to tell me you are praying for me or thinking about our family, its such a treasure.. I just haven't had the umph to reply back.

I was telling Jorge (big Jorge) today that it took me by suprise when I started to cry in the church lobby (waiting for him to come out of the mens room) and like six pregnant women walked through the lobby. I was completely taken off guard. I have seen many a pregnant woman since last monday but for some reason it hit me different today. I truly thought that I had mourned and was past it, emotionally speaking. Guess not. But what has supprised me most is that I have not had much of a desire to be social. Even my sister and my mom, who I normally call once a day at least, i have only talked to about twice this week. That is just crazy to me.

Well I guess that about sums up what I have been thinking. it helps to write it out. I want to blog..but blogging about the mundane stuff just wasn't appealing to me.. so i was left with talking about my big elephant in the room. I am praying that the mundane will be back soon. Thank you to everyone who reads this and comments and those of you faithful readers who don't leave comments (you know who you are).

here are some pictures for your enjoyment!

my thoughts on this whole thing

So here are the reasons that I AM "thankful" that makes this easier to process:
1. I was five weeks and we had not gone to see the heartbeat yet. I know friends, women who have lost their babies past 12 weeks. I can NOT imagine that loss. My little bundle was very, very young. Loss is loss in that sense, but the attachment had not grown to the same level as getting that far along in your pregnancy. I've always said, that although i have lost both my parents before the age of 20. Both were taken suddenly. Therefore, I can not fathom the level of pain associated with seeing your loved one suffer through an illness or other circumstance. Apples to oranges. Both fruit..yet very different.
2. I have two other little bundles that keep me very busy, which helps minimize depression or unnessecary dwelling. They bring me so much joy that its hard not to smile constantly at the blessing that they are to me.
3. Jack. My very good friend, Christina and her husband Paul just delivered their first baby last night. There is nothing that spells rejoicing like seeing new parents with their little baby. I know this seems odd that seeing this baby would make me thankful..but it is such a joyous time I can't imagine not being excited for them. Sure the thought came to mind that I have just lost a little one that would have matured into that newborn, but immediately I am reminded that I have two of those blessing already. I hurt for the many women who can not maintain a pregnancy and are still barren. If I never had another baby, which would be a loss in itself, yet I would exult in the Lord because of my overflowing cup with the family He has given me.
Yeah for baby Jack. He is absolutely precious. And looks just like his German roots dad and nothing like his Mexican-American momma. Its hilarious. The german roots beat out the mexican ones. Interesting!
4. My husband. This is a biggy. He has been so supportive. We have prayed together, cried together and reassured each other of our unending trust in the Lord. That is all I need, honestly. We always said we wanted four kids (I've always said at least four! ha!) So he is confident that the Lord has more in store for his quiver.. we will just trust His timing. There is hope in that.

So that brings me to the things that brings on the waves of emotion:
1. The thought that I lost "my girl." Isn't that funny that I was five weeks, but convinced that I was going to have a girl? And for some reason had the fleeting thought that I had lost my only chance for a girl. Then I laughed and said, "okay Rachel, like God really works like that." I want what the Lord gives me. If I get four boys.. I will be blessed indeed. Just as much as if I only had my two boys. But for some reason I had to get past that... and when I pass those girl clothes in the store.. I don't need to mourn. I trust the Lord to give me what He sees that I need.
2. just the excitement of having life inside of you. Its hard to remind myself that I am no longer pregnant. There is so much pride for me in given the honor to grow, bear and nurture another child. But God's plan is perfect. I many not understand it, but thats not my goal. I did have a hard time while in the doctors office looking at all the pregnant women.
3. having to tell people the very thing I don't like to talk about...at least not yet.

I am not a woman unaquainted with grief..although it always makes me chuckle that i generally handle it the same way each time I am in its path. I immediately convince myself that I don't need to talk to in depth about my feelings on it since God obviously knows how I feel about His decision. As I have told many people, "I don't have a problem with God..its just sad." However, the first rule of grief is to vent. Not disraction..as I like to think. Although I must define venting. For me it means that I imagine myself crawling up in the lap of my heavenly father and communicating what I feel. Letting him wrap his arms around me and listen. Then in the precense of that loving soverignty I am brought to true worship. Because my venting eventually ends with the words of Habbakuk 3: 17-19 :
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
YET I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength;

Even when surrounded by affliction and grief.. I will rejoice in the Lord. Although I do not dare to compare my grief with the grief that comes from the context of these verses (these prophesies of affliction were because of the chastisement of the Lord on the Israelites.) I do agree with the heart of reliance on the Lord.

God not only wants me to vent.. its His method of healing. So when I truly recognize that I am avoiding doing it..I realize its not because I don't want to talk about it.. it comes down to the fact that I don't want to worship.. thats not where my heart is. Its hurting.. But its the expression of my heart communicating to God that brings true worship because I am faced with His soverign plan and that is what I need to focus on to heal. Well that about sums up my thoughts. if you have read this.. you are a patient friend indeed.

Confirmed: sad news.

Well we got confirmation today after the second set of HCG levels: I miscarried. I can't really talk about it. Its hard to face the reality and adjust my brain, and heart, to realize that our little bundle is no more. I am confident in the Lord. We praise Him for His soverignty. We praise Him for many things..especially that He comforts us. I do thank everyone for all your encouraging words and mostly for your prayers. It truly made the difference in my world the last three days. I look forward to seeing God's plan revealed..even if I have to wait unti eternity for it to make sense to me.

Adios todos.

We need your prayers!

Hey everyone.. please pray. I started bleeding this morning and am about to leave for the doctors office. My dr says not to loose hope since 40% of women experience bleeding in the first trimester. Some as much as a normal period. Mine has actually slowed down a bit, a good sign, and i don't have any cramping, although the bleeding was moderate in the beginning. I also won't have an answer until wednesday mid-morning because they will take my hcg levels today and then the second round on Wednesday am. We pray they are quadrupled (sp?).

Thank you so much for praying. We are trusting God..in His perfect will..whatever it may be.